So this was my last dream of the morning.
I’m at a banquet for the 40 finalists chosen for Oprah’s “Win Your Own Show” contest. It’s me, my girlfriend and 38 other women. We are all seated at a big, fancy table. Each of my fellow finalists is dressed like they are getting ready to walk the red carpet at the Academy awards. They all are wearing beautiful evening gowns. Their hair and make up are all perfect and each one is smiling radiantly, displaying their perfect pearly white teeth. There is a stunningly beautiful female MC of sorts holding a microphone who walks around the table asking each contestant the same question- “Can you remember what it was like when you were an egg in your mother’s ovary?”
One by one, these women proceeded to give the most incredible and eloquent answers. Some of their answers were very poignant and moving while some were very clever and funny. But they were all fantastic. Several women actually sung their answers with the most angelic voices you’ve ever heard.
While all of this is going on, there was a consistent running dialogue going through my head- “Great. I’m surrounded by a table full of Nobel laureates and I have no idea how to answer this freaking question.” The whole time I was dreading when the lady with the mic would get to me because I knew I was just going to have to say some really lame excuse like “Umm…well…gee, Oprah. I’m kinda having a hard time here. I can’t really remember that far back. Sorry. I guess I’m not very imaginative. I’ll just pass.”
When the microphone lady got to the woman seated to my immediate left, I woke up.
My first thought while I was still half asleep was “Whew. Thank God. At least I didn’t have to listen to myself embarrass myself with some lame answer.” I dwelled there for a moment or two before a completely different thought came to my mind: “WAIT A COTTON PICKIN’ MINUTE! THAT WAS MY DREAM! All of the deep, profound things that those women were saying- that came from me! All of that creativity and imagination and talent came from my subconscious!”
So here is how I am understanding this this morning.
My experience of the world is more accurately the experience I have of my own projections. I seem prone to project certain “positive” qualities outwardly onto others but rarely inwardly onto myself. I think to myself “Wow, so and so is soo talented, capable, successful, beautiful” etc while I reserve the much harsher projections for myself (and for those whom I dislike.)
So I think I understand what people mean when they say that we create our own experience. If I think that I suck, well, in a sense I do. If I think in terms of scarcity then I do experience lack. If I think the world is unsafe well, guess what? It is.
So what is the solution? Can I just change my mind? Could it possibly be that simple? Do I have a say over the content of my thoughts and in my beliefs? With all of the unnecessary suffering I cause myself (and by extension, others) it’s worth a try.
It’s funny though. At the end of the day, our positive projections may not be any more “true” than our negative ones. All projections- both positive and negative-are just thought forms, just mental constructs, making them all, from a Buddhist perspective at least, inherently empty.
But as my favorite Zen teacher posted on Facebook a few weeks ago “Since we're making it all up anyway, we might as well make up something we like.”
Gassho
PS That is a pretty interesting question though. If anyone can answer it please do.
