There is nothing "wrong" with getting fooled. There is nothing wrong with buying into the story that conditioning is selling. To even wish to see rightly is astonishing in its own right and eminently courageous. So be encouraged.
This may, in fact, all be a dream and the ego a mere fiction. But if the ego is a fiction, it is one spun by All There Is, making it inherently noble and worthy of your tender care.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
The Wound and The Shield
I can spot ‘em a mile away, the way a pimp can spot a new "prospect," one whose self worth has been incinerated by the betrayal of sexual abuse.
There is no shortage of them. That’s for sure.
I call them the “Walking Wounded” and it’s the look in their eyes that gives them away. It’s a look of bewildered devastation that lets people like me know that these kids are ripe for the picking.
You see, these kids have been hurt (though of course “hurt” doesn’t even begin to capture it.)
It’s more like a twisting, a breaking, a tearing out and tearing up followed by a branding. This Wound is as personal and as primal as a wound can be. And when these kids regain their bearings enough to begin to survey the damage, they naturally start trying to formulate a survival plan.
Which is where I step in.
“I’ll protect you” I tell them as they stagger by.
Despite the immense betrayal they have just suffered, kids are by nature guileless and trusting. And so it is this line that hooks them. Simple and straightforward, it hits them right where they are most vulnerable. It’s irresistible to them actually and works damn near every time.
“Someone please save me” they respond. (They say it with such sincerity too. If the money weren’t so good I might be tempted to feel bad for them. Hey- this job ain’t for everyone.)
“I’ll save you, young one” I say and get down on one knee to look them if their eyes “But what are you going to do for me?”
“I’ll give you anything you want”
“Anything?”
“Yes, anything”
And so a deal is struck, one so lucrative that one client can keep a guy like me on easy street for an entire lifetime.
It works like this:
While I’m no healer (far from it in fact), I can put a “bandage” of sorts on their wound. Actually, it’s not a bandage at all. It’s more like a shield. While this Shield doesn’t actually fix anything or provide any true protection, it does prevent anything from touching the Wound again.
We all know how bad even air can sting when it comes into contact with a fresh burn. This Shield ensures that this secondary sting will never occur. (It’s common knowledge that wounds rarely need protection past the initial few days and that frequent contact with oxygen and water and sunshine are actually critical to the healing process. But they don’t know this and I sure as hell am not about to tell them! A man’s got to eat!)
The Shield has a secondary purpose however. It doesn’t just protect the Wound, it also hides The Wounds from others and, most importantly, from oneself.
There is a perception in the minds of humans (don’t ask me where it came from) that we somehow “deserve” what we experience in life. We see this all the time. If we work hard, we’ll make a lot of money. If we take care of our bodies and think good thoughts, we’ll never get sick. (Never mind all of the evidence to the contrary. The Universe apparently does not feel obliged to abide by our linear thinking in this regard.) This same type of thinking also extends to our “wounds.” If something bad happened to us, we must have caused it in some way. We must have deserved it. And if we were rejected or betrayed at an early age, then what does this say about us? Clearly, we must have had it coming. There must have been something inherently wrong with us, the world saw it and now we have the Wound to prove it.
So what can a kid do about this? Can they figure out that wounds just happen, that “deserving” has nothing to do with it? Are they savvy enough to understand that wounds get passed down from generation to generation like the physical attributes encoded by our DNA? Can a kid see any of this? Of course they can’t (which is a good damn thing or I’d be out of a job.)
But hiding is something kids do understand. (Show me a kid who hasn’t reveled in playing “Hide and Go Seek”) And so this is what I have to offer them. I can hide their Wound. I can shield it from the world so that no one will ever know that it’s there. No one will ever find out what they “deserved.”
But there is one small catch. This Shield hides the wound from the kid as well. It doesn’t make the wound go away mind you. And it certainly doesn’t allow the wound to heal. But it can take the wound out of a kid’s conscious awareness. And out of sight is out of mind, right?
This is the point in which my entire business hinges in fact. Blocking the consciousness awareness of the Wound is a tempting offer. When the pain is so acute, how can you blame anyone from jumping at an offer like this, particularly a kid?
I don’t give them the whole story of course. I don’t tell them that unhealed wounds will go on affecting them whether they are aware of them or not. I don’t tell them that what I am actually offering them protection from is something that has already happened. I don’t tell them that everyone has a wound and that the acknowledgement and acceptance of these wounds is the very essence of the healing force we call Love. And I sure as hell don’t tell them that they can heal themselves. I’d be out of a job then.
So a bargain is struck. Now you are probably asking yourself what do I get out of this deal? I provide a Shield for the Wound and so what do I get in exchange?
Mostly, I get energy. Energy is the currency of our transactions. It takes energy to protect and hide, you know? They give off the energy and I take it in.
I’m telling you- as far as an investment goes, you can’t beat this. I sell the kids on the idea that there is something wrong with them, something requiring concealment and protection and then the human mind does the rest. The mind’s capacity to imagine gets hijacked and all sorts of explanations for the gnawing feelings of unworthiness are dreamt up. That these feelings eventually become self-fulfilling prophecies only strengthens my position. All the while, the origin of all of the unworthiness and shame remains hidden from view. The Wound remains behind the Shield, unseen and unhealed, affecting everything without ever raising suspicion or calling attention to itself.
Meanwhile, I just sit back and collect my residuals.
From my perspective, the best part of all of this is the payment plan. With most jobs, you get paid a couple of times a month. Bartenders and waitresses get paid on a daily basis. But I’ve got ‘em all beat. I get paid continuously. Energy flows from them to me on a non-stop basis. It is such a scam because virtually no one is even aware that this process is occurring!
Oh, don’t get me wrong. I send out bills on a regular basis. (It would be unethical not to!) In exchange for joy, freedom and connection they receive bills in the form of numbness, rigidity and isolation. The beauty of these bills is that they serve to confirm that these poor folks really do owe something! Talk about a racket. I get ‘em coming and going.
Every now and then, when a “client” starts to question things, I do have to get a little rough. Every now and again, folks start getting curious. They start to notice the constant dispersal of their energy and they start to question the legitimacy of these bills they’ve been paying. As soon as this happens, I spring into action. I’ve got to keep this gravy train rolling!
All it generally takes is for me to threaten to pull back the Shield, even just a little. I whisper in their ear (so softly that they think it is them) “You better not look! This wound is deep and has been festering for decades. If you pull this Shield off now, it will probably kill you. The pus will flow and everyone will see it and you’ll be thrown out with the lepers though even they wouldn’t have you.” It sounds crazy to me too but you wouldn’t believe how effective this is. Remember, I’m still still talking to the little guy or girl that lives on inside of them. The innocence of these children makes them easy to fool.
So that’s about it. My business is deception and, as you can see, business is good.
As a student of human behavior, however, I have noticed a few pesky traits that do have me a bit worried however as they threaten my job security.
Like resilience. I’ve seen this over and over in folks and I hate it! There is something about human nature that just refuses to give up or give in. I’m pretty tenacious myself but it is clear to me that in the long run, their resilience will outlast me.
Another is acceptance. Sometimes a person begins to trust someone enough (God knows how!) that they actually pull back their own Shield and let someone else see their Wound. (Sometimes, of course, circumstance just rips the damned thing off!) In either case, almost invariably, I’ve seen how the person being shown the wound meets the occasion with a reverence and tenderness that instantly dissolves both fear and shame. That the exposing of one’s wound makes way for others to follow suit is a phenomenon that threatens the very foundation of my line of work, believe me.
But what I fear the most is forgiveness- the most potent of antidotes. For forgiveness passes directly through the shell, starting the healing process from within, allowing old, conditioned beliefs about wounds to be seen through and released. Because of forgiveness, the need for the Shield itself eventually seen through and the Shield dries up like so many scabs before falling off of its own accord.
And from that day forward, the scar is displayed openly, humbly and with gratitude for all of its hard won wisdom.
And I'm out of a job.
There is no shortage of them. That’s for sure.
I call them the “Walking Wounded” and it’s the look in their eyes that gives them away. It’s a look of bewildered devastation that lets people like me know that these kids are ripe for the picking.
You see, these kids have been hurt (though of course “hurt” doesn’t even begin to capture it.)
It’s more like a twisting, a breaking, a tearing out and tearing up followed by a branding. This Wound is as personal and as primal as a wound can be. And when these kids regain their bearings enough to begin to survey the damage, they naturally start trying to formulate a survival plan.
Which is where I step in.
“I’ll protect you” I tell them as they stagger by.
Despite the immense betrayal they have just suffered, kids are by nature guileless and trusting. And so it is this line that hooks them. Simple and straightforward, it hits them right where they are most vulnerable. It’s irresistible to them actually and works damn near every time.
“Someone please save me” they respond. (They say it with such sincerity too. If the money weren’t so good I might be tempted to feel bad for them. Hey- this job ain’t for everyone.)
“I’ll save you, young one” I say and get down on one knee to look them if their eyes “But what are you going to do for me?”
“I’ll give you anything you want”
“Anything?”
“Yes, anything”
And so a deal is struck, one so lucrative that one client can keep a guy like me on easy street for an entire lifetime.
It works like this:
While I’m no healer (far from it in fact), I can put a “bandage” of sorts on their wound. Actually, it’s not a bandage at all. It’s more like a shield. While this Shield doesn’t actually fix anything or provide any true protection, it does prevent anything from touching the Wound again.
We all know how bad even air can sting when it comes into contact with a fresh burn. This Shield ensures that this secondary sting will never occur. (It’s common knowledge that wounds rarely need protection past the initial few days and that frequent contact with oxygen and water and sunshine are actually critical to the healing process. But they don’t know this and I sure as hell am not about to tell them! A man’s got to eat!)
The Shield has a secondary purpose however. It doesn’t just protect the Wound, it also hides The Wounds from others and, most importantly, from oneself.
There is a perception in the minds of humans (don’t ask me where it came from) that we somehow “deserve” what we experience in life. We see this all the time. If we work hard, we’ll make a lot of money. If we take care of our bodies and think good thoughts, we’ll never get sick. (Never mind all of the evidence to the contrary. The Universe apparently does not feel obliged to abide by our linear thinking in this regard.) This same type of thinking also extends to our “wounds.” If something bad happened to us, we must have caused it in some way. We must have deserved it. And if we were rejected or betrayed at an early age, then what does this say about us? Clearly, we must have had it coming. There must have been something inherently wrong with us, the world saw it and now we have the Wound to prove it.
So what can a kid do about this? Can they figure out that wounds just happen, that “deserving” has nothing to do with it? Are they savvy enough to understand that wounds get passed down from generation to generation like the physical attributes encoded by our DNA? Can a kid see any of this? Of course they can’t (which is a good damn thing or I’d be out of a job.)
But hiding is something kids do understand. (Show me a kid who hasn’t reveled in playing “Hide and Go Seek”) And so this is what I have to offer them. I can hide their Wound. I can shield it from the world so that no one will ever know that it’s there. No one will ever find out what they “deserved.”
But there is one small catch. This Shield hides the wound from the kid as well. It doesn’t make the wound go away mind you. And it certainly doesn’t allow the wound to heal. But it can take the wound out of a kid’s conscious awareness. And out of sight is out of mind, right?
This is the point in which my entire business hinges in fact. Blocking the consciousness awareness of the Wound is a tempting offer. When the pain is so acute, how can you blame anyone from jumping at an offer like this, particularly a kid?
I don’t give them the whole story of course. I don’t tell them that unhealed wounds will go on affecting them whether they are aware of them or not. I don’t tell them that what I am actually offering them protection from is something that has already happened. I don’t tell them that everyone has a wound and that the acknowledgement and acceptance of these wounds is the very essence of the healing force we call Love. And I sure as hell don’t tell them that they can heal themselves. I’d be out of a job then.
So a bargain is struck. Now you are probably asking yourself what do I get out of this deal? I provide a Shield for the Wound and so what do I get in exchange?
Mostly, I get energy. Energy is the currency of our transactions. It takes energy to protect and hide, you know? They give off the energy and I take it in.
I’m telling you- as far as an investment goes, you can’t beat this. I sell the kids on the idea that there is something wrong with them, something requiring concealment and protection and then the human mind does the rest. The mind’s capacity to imagine gets hijacked and all sorts of explanations for the gnawing feelings of unworthiness are dreamt up. That these feelings eventually become self-fulfilling prophecies only strengthens my position. All the while, the origin of all of the unworthiness and shame remains hidden from view. The Wound remains behind the Shield, unseen and unhealed, affecting everything without ever raising suspicion or calling attention to itself.
Meanwhile, I just sit back and collect my residuals.
From my perspective, the best part of all of this is the payment plan. With most jobs, you get paid a couple of times a month. Bartenders and waitresses get paid on a daily basis. But I’ve got ‘em all beat. I get paid continuously. Energy flows from them to me on a non-stop basis. It is such a scam because virtually no one is even aware that this process is occurring!
Oh, don’t get me wrong. I send out bills on a regular basis. (It would be unethical not to!) In exchange for joy, freedom and connection they receive bills in the form of numbness, rigidity and isolation. The beauty of these bills is that they serve to confirm that these poor folks really do owe something! Talk about a racket. I get ‘em coming and going.
Every now and then, when a “client” starts to question things, I do have to get a little rough. Every now and again, folks start getting curious. They start to notice the constant dispersal of their energy and they start to question the legitimacy of these bills they’ve been paying. As soon as this happens, I spring into action. I’ve got to keep this gravy train rolling!
All it generally takes is for me to threaten to pull back the Shield, even just a little. I whisper in their ear (so softly that they think it is them) “You better not look! This wound is deep and has been festering for decades. If you pull this Shield off now, it will probably kill you. The pus will flow and everyone will see it and you’ll be thrown out with the lepers though even they wouldn’t have you.” It sounds crazy to me too but you wouldn’t believe how effective this is. Remember, I’m still still talking to the little guy or girl that lives on inside of them. The innocence of these children makes them easy to fool.
So that’s about it. My business is deception and, as you can see, business is good.
As a student of human behavior, however, I have noticed a few pesky traits that do have me a bit worried however as they threaten my job security.
Like resilience. I’ve seen this over and over in folks and I hate it! There is something about human nature that just refuses to give up or give in. I’m pretty tenacious myself but it is clear to me that in the long run, their resilience will outlast me.
Another is acceptance. Sometimes a person begins to trust someone enough (God knows how!) that they actually pull back their own Shield and let someone else see their Wound. (Sometimes, of course, circumstance just rips the damned thing off!) In either case, almost invariably, I’ve seen how the person being shown the wound meets the occasion with a reverence and tenderness that instantly dissolves both fear and shame. That the exposing of one’s wound makes way for others to follow suit is a phenomenon that threatens the very foundation of my line of work, believe me.
But what I fear the most is forgiveness- the most potent of antidotes. For forgiveness passes directly through the shell, starting the healing process from within, allowing old, conditioned beliefs about wounds to be seen through and released. Because of forgiveness, the need for the Shield itself eventually seen through and the Shield dries up like so many scabs before falling off of its own accord.
And from that day forward, the scar is displayed openly, humbly and with gratitude for all of its hard won wisdom.
And I'm out of a job.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Look No Further
Dog on the floor. Fan blowing. Chicken and mango on the plate. Movie on pause.
Habits, beliefs, fear and hope all momentarily recede to reveal That which is never hidden.
This (whatever This is) is True. And beautiful. Because It is here, now, in this moment.
Habits, beliefs, fear and hope all momentarily recede to reveal That which is never hidden.
This (whatever This is) is True. And beautiful. Because It is here, now, in this moment.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Untitled in the Key of G
From Boulder to Dharmsala
Bangok to Walla Walla
my search took me to many a strange land
So imagine my surprise
when I caught my dakini's eyes
in a Wal-Mart in Mobile, Alabam
She said "My name is Holly
but my friends call me Kali"
and then she smiled at me from behind her dreads
With the courage I could muster
I decided I should trust her
but I wondered about those severed heads
She read me Ramana Maharshi
and recited Rumi to me in Farsi
she taught me yoga in her double wide
She loved incense and candles
and black label Jack Daniels
she wore a Colt .45 on her side
We made love like Shiva and Shakti
and damn, that little girl rocked me
and I wondered how long I'd been blind
She said "close your eyes and you'll see me"
and that moved Kundalini
and the serpent uncoiled up my spine
We taught each other the Dharma
as we burned up all of our karma
she was the finest woman I'd ever met in my life
We spent our days laughing like a mantra
and spent our nights lost in our tantra
but something told me I'd never call her my wife
One day we had our fortunes told
and we learned that only one of us would grow old
she smiled and said "don't worry babe 'cause it's you"
She said she felt she would be leaving soon
probably some time around the next full moon
and I knew right then and there what she was going to do
she always said it would be suicide
that would carry her to the other side
when she was ready for a different taste of bliss
She thanked me helping evolve her
and then she handed me that Colt revolver
and said "here you go I'll no longer need this"
I cried the day we prayed goodbye
and thanked her for teaching me to fly
and then I gave her what would be our final kiss
I imagine that she was humming Bob Marley
the day that she finally rode that Harley
right off the road out into the abyss
Bangok to Walla Walla
my search took me to many a strange land
So imagine my surprise
when I caught my dakini's eyes
in a Wal-Mart in Mobile, Alabam
She said "My name is Holly
but my friends call me Kali"
and then she smiled at me from behind her dreads
With the courage I could muster
I decided I should trust her
but I wondered about those severed heads
She read me Ramana Maharshi
and recited Rumi to me in Farsi
she taught me yoga in her double wide
She loved incense and candles
and black label Jack Daniels
she wore a Colt .45 on her side
We made love like Shiva and Shakti
and damn, that little girl rocked me
and I wondered how long I'd been blind
She said "close your eyes and you'll see me"
and that moved Kundalini
and the serpent uncoiled up my spine
We taught each other the Dharma
as we burned up all of our karma
she was the finest woman I'd ever met in my life
We spent our days laughing like a mantra
and spent our nights lost in our tantra
but something told me I'd never call her my wife
One day we had our fortunes told
and we learned that only one of us would grow old
she smiled and said "don't worry babe 'cause it's you"
She said she felt she would be leaving soon
probably some time around the next full moon
and I knew right then and there what she was going to do
she always said it would be suicide
that would carry her to the other side
when she was ready for a different taste of bliss
She thanked me helping evolve her
and then she handed me that Colt revolver
and said "here you go I'll no longer need this"
I cried the day we prayed goodbye
and thanked her for teaching me to fly
and then I gave her what would be our final kiss
I imagine that she was humming Bob Marley
the day that she finally rode that Harley
right off the road out into the abyss
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Dr O's Groundbreaking, Deeply Spiritual and Insightful Miracle Diet!
1. Make healthy food choices. Forgive yourself when you don't
2. Disconnect these choices from beliefs about the size and/or shape of your body
3. Learn what size portion is ideal for you and eat that amount
4. Chew thoroughly
5. Eat mindfully or contemplatively. The miracle of taste or gratitude for sustenance (or the money to buy sustenance) may be good places to start though you will, of course, find what works for you
6. Pay attention to how you feel after eating. As best as you can, use the information to inform your food choices going forward
7. Eat with your fingers as often as possible, particularly when in "polite company"
This diet is guaranteed to not make you rich, pretty or famous.
Gassho
2. Disconnect these choices from beliefs about the size and/or shape of your body
3. Learn what size portion is ideal for you and eat that amount
4. Chew thoroughly
5. Eat mindfully or contemplatively. The miracle of taste or gratitude for sustenance (or the money to buy sustenance) may be good places to start though you will, of course, find what works for you
6. Pay attention to how you feel after eating. As best as you can, use the information to inform your food choices going forward
7. Eat with your fingers as often as possible, particularly when in "polite company"
This diet is guaranteed to not make you rich, pretty or famous.
Gassho
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
What's Going On?
Every second of every day, so much is going on. Cars are going on, people are going on, every variety of emotion is going on. Birds are zooming around, people are being born, dying, crying, making love and laughing. Sea life is going on, computers are doing whatever it is that they do. A deafening silence is going on on the moon, winds are blowing across the vast desolation of Saturn. Galaxies are going on. The incomprehensible immensity of our ever expanding universe is going on. Even this little office I'm sitting in is going on. One could spend a lifetime contemplating how improbable and unknowable this office alone is.
It's odd isn't it- that there's stuff? Isn't this odd?
Sometimes I just want to go “Yo! Everybody! Hold up! Hold up a second! What in the world is going on? What are we doing and why are we doing it?” An even better question- "How is this?" How is all of this happening? Why am I writing this? Why do you understand it? When we talk with each other, we look into each others eyes and this seems routine. But why do we perceive each other at all? It’s all so peculiar.
Isn’t it bizarre that something so outrageously, unfathomably and infinitely complex as all of this is occurring? The craziest part though is how it's all so patently obvious that we hardly even notice it. Why aren’t we completely stupefied all the time? How can we worry about waiting in line at the post office when things as improbable and completely unknowable as “post offices” and “standing in line” seem to exist?
It's interesting to stop sometimes and just see what This is like. Not to 'think' about what This is like (though trying to 'not think' is more of the same.) What if we just drop the chatter ("Will I get what I want? Will I like what I get?" etc) while also dropping all attempts to 'feel' what This is like (though of course still allowing any feelings that do arise.) What if we just stop for a second and wonder what This is like.
Yes- that's it. Stopping at the wonder. How cool.
It's odd isn't it- that there's stuff? Isn't this odd?
Sometimes I just want to go “Yo! Everybody! Hold up! Hold up a second! What in the world is going on? What are we doing and why are we doing it?” An even better question- "How is this?" How is all of this happening? Why am I writing this? Why do you understand it? When we talk with each other, we look into each others eyes and this seems routine. But why do we perceive each other at all? It’s all so peculiar.
Isn’t it bizarre that something so outrageously, unfathomably and infinitely complex as all of this is occurring? The craziest part though is how it's all so patently obvious that we hardly even notice it. Why aren’t we completely stupefied all the time? How can we worry about waiting in line at the post office when things as improbable and completely unknowable as “post offices” and “standing in line” seem to exist?
It's interesting to stop sometimes and just see what This is like. Not to 'think' about what This is like (though trying to 'not think' is more of the same.) What if we just drop the chatter ("Will I get what I want? Will I like what I get?" etc) while also dropping all attempts to 'feel' what This is like (though of course still allowing any feelings that do arise.) What if we just stop for a second and wonder what This is like.
Yes- that's it. Stopping at the wonder. How cool.
Lila
"Lila is a concept within Hinduism literally meaning "pastime", "sport" or "play". Lila is a way of describing all reality, including the cosmos, as the outcome of creative play by the divine absolute (Brahman)."
It does seem real. I'll admit that. My "self" does seem real. Yours seems even more real for some reason.
But it's not.
All of this stuff seems so serious. We gotta get the right job and the right partner and the right this and the right that.
But we really don't. Mostly cause there's no "we". There's only This. Only "One without a second."
So No Self. No solid, enduring self. This is the funny part, the unfathomable part. The part that if I ever see through will permit real living to begin. When the "life or death" stuff drops, the play can begin. Lila.
We wake from dreams all the time and instantly realize that none of it really happened. What if WE (the selves we feel and believe ourselves to be) were part of a dream. Part of Consciousness's dream. What if we are the ongoing dream of the divine absolute, of Brahman. How would we know? We wouldn't because we would have no reference point outside of the dream (because all potential points of reference would be similarly part of the dream).
But still, dream characters do wake up. We occasionally become lucid within our own dreams. Perhaps Consciousness does as well.
So, in the mean time, what do we do? No idea, though I do like St Augustine's suggestion:
"Love God and do what you will"
It does seem real. I'll admit that. My "self" does seem real. Yours seems even more real for some reason.
But it's not.
All of this stuff seems so serious. We gotta get the right job and the right partner and the right this and the right that.
But we really don't. Mostly cause there's no "we". There's only This. Only "One without a second."
So No Self. No solid, enduring self. This is the funny part, the unfathomable part. The part that if I ever see through will permit real living to begin. When the "life or death" stuff drops, the play can begin. Lila.
We wake from dreams all the time and instantly realize that none of it really happened. What if WE (the selves we feel and believe ourselves to be) were part of a dream. Part of Consciousness's dream. What if we are the ongoing dream of the divine absolute, of Brahman. How would we know? We wouldn't because we would have no reference point outside of the dream (because all potential points of reference would be similarly part of the dream).
But still, dream characters do wake up. We occasionally become lucid within our own dreams. Perhaps Consciousness does as well.
So, in the mean time, what do we do? No idea, though I do like St Augustine's suggestion:
"Love God and do what you will"
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