Sunday, October 9, 2011

This and That

Things seem to be this way. And that's fine. Soon they will seem to be different.

I may or may not "like" the way things seem though this in no way diminishes the "fine-ness" of it all.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Brothers and Sisters

I've taken to calling men "brother" over the last few years- both male friends of mine and males that I simply come into contact with in day to day situations. But the cool part is- I really mean it. I really want them to know that I consider them my brother.

More recently, I have started calling the women I come into contact with "sister" and I mean that as well. I say it with complete reverence because I know how much grace and wisdom the feminine energy brings into this world. If humans are ever to find their way out of the gathering darkness of nationalism, militarism and financial inequity, it will be the sisters who lead us home.

Listen to Alexi Murdoch singing "Orange Sky". If you feel your heart breaking in a good way, you'll know what I mean. You'll know the joy that can come from calling both friends and strangers "brother" or "sister."

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Night Night

"Hey Hon?"
"You awake?"
She smiles and turns over to face me "Yeah, I'm awake. What's going on?"
"Oh nothing...I just wanted to tell you that I love you"
And now her eyes do the smiling "Aww Hon. Thank you. I love you too."
And then she notices that I'm struggling a bit. "Are you sure there's nothing the matter?"
I start to tear up a bit "It's just that, well, sometimes it's hard"
"What's hard?"
"The heart thing. I've told you about it before. It's just hard sometimes"
"What's hard about it?"
"Well, sometimes it feels like it's not that open. Like it's behind a shell or a wall or something. Like it's still protected or defended or something. And I just want you to know that it's not you. I love you Hon. I just wish it would get unstuck."
"Aww Hon. You're doing great. And I know you love me"
"You do?"
"Yeah. You show me all the time"
"Well good 'cause I do." And now I'm smiling. "I do love you. And maybe over time this shell thing will fall away a bit and I can let your love in more."
"I hope so Hon. I love you too. And I'm not going anywhere" And she smiles again
"Thanks Hon"
"mmm k- night night Hon"
"Night night"

Perfect Timing

There was a man who didn't experience true love until he was in his eighties.

One day a younger man who had heard his story asked him if he regretted that it had taken so long.

The older man smiled and replied "No. No regrets at all." And then he looked at the younger man with a heart full of compassion and said "And because you asked, I see that that you are still looking."



We are not to blame for our conditioning nor is it our job to "fix" it.

There is what from our perspective looks like "healing" however, though this is not under our control.

And, of course, there is Love- the true healing force.

I am becoming convinced that there is not much we can really "do" in this Life. But that shouldn't stop us from believing in Love, remaining open to healing and living in awe of the Mystery which gives rise to them both.


Thursday, August 4, 2011

The Sound of Your Own Wheels

There is nothing "wrong" with getting fooled. There is nothing wrong with buying into the story that conditioning is selling. To even wish to see rightly is astonishing in its own right and eminently courageous. So be encouraged.

This may, in fact, all be a dream and the ego a mere fiction. But if the ego is a fiction, it is one spun by All There Is, making it inherently noble and worthy of your tender care.

Monday, June 20, 2011

The Wound and The Shield

I can spot ‘em a mile away, the way a pimp can spot a new "prospect," one whose self worth has been incinerated by the betrayal of sexual abuse.

There is no shortage of them. That’s for sure.

I call them the “Walking Wounded” and it’s the look in their eyes that gives them away. It’s a look of bewildered devastation that lets people like me know that these kids are ripe for the picking.

You see, these kids have been hurt (though of course “hurt” doesn’t even begin to capture it.)

It’s more like a twisting, a breaking, a tearing out and tearing up followed by a branding. This Wound is as personal and as primal as a wound can be. And when these kids regain their bearings enough to begin to survey the damage, they naturally start trying to formulate a survival plan.

Which is where I step in.

“I’ll protect you” I tell them as they stagger by.

Despite the immense betrayal they have just suffered, kids are by nature guileless and trusting. And so it is this line that hooks them. Simple and straightforward, it hits them right where they are most vulnerable. It’s irresistible to them actually and works damn near every time.

“Someone please save me” they respond. (They say it with such sincerity too. If the money weren’t so good I might be tempted to feel bad for them. Hey- this job ain’t for everyone.)

“I’ll save you, young one” I say and get down on one knee to look them if their eyes “But what are you going to do for me?”

“I’ll give you anything you want”


“Yes, anything”

And so a deal is struck, one so lucrative that one client can keep a guy like me on easy street for an entire lifetime.

It works like this:

While I’m no healer (far from it in fact), I can put a “bandage” of sorts on their wound. Actually, it’s not a bandage at all. It’s more like a shield. While this Shield doesn’t actually fix anything or provide any true protection, it does prevent anything from touching the Wound again.

We all know how bad even air can sting when it comes into contact with a fresh burn. This Shield ensures that this secondary sting will never occur. (It’s common knowledge that wounds rarely need protection past the initial few days and that frequent contact with oxygen and water and sunshine are actually critical to the healing process. But they don’t know this and I sure as hell am not about to tell them! A man’s got to eat!)

The Shield has a secondary purpose however. It doesn’t just protect the Wound, it also hides The Wounds from others and, most importantly, from oneself.

There is a perception in the minds of humans (don’t ask me where it came from) that we somehow “deserve” what we experience in life. We see this all the time. If we work hard, we’ll make a lot of money. If we take care of our bodies and think good thoughts, we’ll never get sick. (Never mind all of the evidence to the contrary. The Universe apparently does not feel obliged to abide by our linear thinking in this regard.) This same type of thinking also extends to our “wounds.” If something bad happened to us, we must have caused it in some way. We must have deserved it. And if we were rejected or betrayed at an early age, then what does this say about us? Clearly, we must have had it coming. There must have been something inherently wrong with us, the world saw it and now we have the Wound to prove it.

So what can a kid do about this? Can they figure out that wounds just happen, that “deserving” has nothing to do with it? Are they savvy enough to understand that wounds get passed down from generation to generation like the physical attributes encoded by our DNA? Can a kid see any of this? Of course they can’t (which is a good damn thing or I’d be out of a job.)

But hiding is something kids do understand. (Show me a kid who hasn’t reveled in playing “Hide and Go Seek”) And so this is what I have to offer them. I can hide their Wound. I can shield it from the world so that no one will ever know that it’s there. No one will ever find out what they “deserved.”

But there is one small catch. This Shield hides the wound from the kid as well. It doesn’t make the wound go away mind you. And it certainly doesn’t allow the wound to heal. But it can take the wound out of a kid’s conscious awareness. And out of sight is out of mind, right?

This is the point in which my entire business hinges in fact. Blocking the consciousness awareness of the Wound is a tempting offer. When the pain is so acute, how can you blame anyone from jumping at an offer like this, particularly a kid?

I don’t give them the whole story of course. I don’t tell them that unhealed wounds will go on affecting them whether they are aware of them or not. I don’t tell them that what I am actually offering them protection from is something that has already happened. I don’t tell them that everyone has a wound and that the acknowledgement and acceptance of these wounds is the very essence of the healing force we call Love. And I sure as hell don’t tell them that they can heal themselves. I’d be out of a job then.

So a bargain is struck. Now you are probably asking yourself what do I get out of this deal? I provide a Shield for the Wound and so what do I get in exchange?

Mostly, I get energy. Energy is the currency of our transactions. It takes energy to protect and hide, you know? They give off the energy and I take it in.

I’m telling you- as far as an investment goes, you can’t beat this. I sell the kids on the idea that there is something wrong with them, something requiring concealment and protection and then the human mind does the rest. The mind’s capacity to imagine gets hijacked and all sorts of explanations for the gnawing feelings of unworthiness are dreamt up. That these feelings eventually become self-fulfilling prophecies only strengthens my position. All the while, the origin of all of the unworthiness and shame remains hidden from view. The Wound remains behind the Shield, unseen and unhealed, affecting everything without ever raising suspicion or calling attention to itself.

Meanwhile, I just sit back and collect my residuals.

From my perspective, the best part of all of this is the payment plan. With most jobs, you get paid a couple of times a month. Bartenders and waitresses get paid on a daily basis. But I’ve got ‘em all beat. I get paid continuously. Energy flows from them to me on a non-stop basis. It is such a scam because virtually no one is even aware that this process is occurring!

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I send out bills on a regular basis. (It would be unethical not to!) In exchange for joy, freedom and connection they receive bills in the form of numbness, rigidity and isolation. The beauty of these bills is that they serve to confirm that these poor folks really do owe something! Talk about a racket. I get ‘em coming and going.

Every now and then, when a “client” starts to question things, I do have to get a little rough. Every now and again, folks start getting curious. They start to notice the constant dispersal of their energy and they start to question the legitimacy of these bills they’ve been paying. As soon as this happens, I spring into action. I’ve got to keep this gravy train rolling!

All it generally takes is for me to threaten to pull back the Shield, even just a little. I whisper in their ear (so softly that they think it is them) “You better not look! This wound is deep and has been festering for decades. If you pull this Shield off now, it will probably kill you. The pus will flow and everyone will see it and you’ll be thrown out with the lepers though even they wouldn’t have you.” It sounds crazy to me too but you wouldn’t believe how effective this is. Remember, I’m still still talking to the little guy or girl that lives on inside of them. The innocence of these children makes them easy to fool.

So that’s about it. My business is deception and, as you can see, business is good.

As a student of human behavior, however, I have noticed a few pesky traits that do have me a bit worried however as they threaten my job security.

Like resilience. I’ve seen this over and over in folks and I hate it! There is something about human nature that just refuses to give up or give in. I’m pretty tenacious myself but it is clear to me that in the long run, their resilience will outlast me.

Another is acceptance. Sometimes a person begins to trust someone enough (God knows how!) that they actually pull back their own Shield and let someone else see their Wound. (Sometimes, of course, circumstance just rips the damned thing off!) In either case, almost invariably, I’ve seen how the person being shown the wound meets the occasion with a reverence and tenderness that instantly dissolves both fear and shame. That the exposing of one’s wound makes way for others to follow suit is a phenomenon that threatens the very foundation of my line of work, believe me.

But what I fear the most is forgiveness- the most potent of antidotes. For forgiveness passes directly through the shell, starting the healing process from within, allowing old, conditioned beliefs about wounds to be seen through and released. Because of forgiveness, the need for the Shield itself eventually seen through and the Shield dries up like so many scabs before falling off of its own accord.

And from that day forward, the scar is displayed openly, humbly and with gratitude for all of its hard won wisdom.

And I'm out of a job.