Things seem to be this way. And that's fine. Soon they will seem to be different.
I may or may not "like" the way things seem though this in no way diminishes the "fine-ness" of it all.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Brothers and Sisters
I've taken to calling men "brother" over the last few years- both male friends of mine and males that I simply come into contact with in day to day situations. But the cool part is- I really mean it. I really want them to know that I consider them my brother.
More recently, I have started calling the women I come into contact with "sister" and I mean that as well. I say it with complete reverence because I know how much grace and wisdom the feminine energy brings into this world. If humans are ever to find their way out of the gathering darkness of nationalism, militarism and financial inequity, it will be the sisters who lead us home.
Listen to Alexi Murdoch singing "Orange Sky". If you feel your heart breaking in a good way, you'll know what I mean. You'll know the joy that can come from calling both friends and strangers "brother" or "sister."
More recently, I have started calling the women I come into contact with "sister" and I mean that as well. I say it with complete reverence because I know how much grace and wisdom the feminine energy brings into this world. If humans are ever to find their way out of the gathering darkness of nationalism, militarism and financial inequity, it will be the sisters who lead us home.
Listen to Alexi Murdoch singing "Orange Sky". If you feel your heart breaking in a good way, you'll know what I mean. You'll know the joy that can come from calling both friends and strangers "brother" or "sister."
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Night Night
"Hey Hon?"
"Yeah?"
"You awake?"
She smiles and turns over to face me "Yeah, I'm awake. What's going on?"
"Oh nothing...I just wanted to tell you that I love you"
And now her eyes do the smiling "Aww Hon. Thank you. I love you too."
And then she notices that I'm struggling a bit. "Are you sure there's nothing the matter?"
I start to tear up a bit "It's just that, well, sometimes it's hard"
"What's hard?"
"The heart thing. I've told you about it before. It's just hard sometimes"
"What's hard about it?"
"Well, sometimes it feels like it's not that open. Like it's behind a shell or a wall or something. Like it's still protected or defended or something. And I just want you to know that it's not you. I love you Hon. I just wish it would get unstuck."
"Aww Hon. You're doing great. And I know you love me"
"You do?"
"Yeah. You show me all the time"
"Well good 'cause I do." And now I'm smiling. "I do love you. And maybe over time this shell thing will fall away a bit and I can let your love in more."
"I hope so Hon. I love you too. And I'm not going anywhere" And she smiles again
"Thanks Hon"
"mmm k- night night Hon"
"Night night"
Perfect Timing
There was a man who didn't experience true love until he was in his eighties.
One day a younger man who had heard his story asked him if he regretted that it had taken so long.
The older man smiled and replied "No. No regrets at all." And then he looked at the younger man with a heart full of compassion and said "And because you asked, I see that that you are still looking."
Gassho
Untitled
We are not to blame for our conditioning nor is it our job to "fix" it.
There is what from our perspective looks like "healing" however, though this is not under our control.
And, of course, there is Love- the true healing force.
I am becoming convinced that there is not much we can really "do" in this Life. But that shouldn't stop us from believing in Love, remaining open to healing and living in awe of the Mystery which gives rise to them both.
Gassho
There is what from our perspective looks like "healing" however, though this is not under our control.
And, of course, there is Love- the true healing force.
I am becoming convinced that there is not much we can really "do" in this Life. But that shouldn't stop us from believing in Love, remaining open to healing and living in awe of the Mystery which gives rise to them both.
Gassho
Thursday, August 4, 2011
The Sound of Your Own Wheels
There is nothing "wrong" with getting fooled. There is nothing wrong with buying into the story that conditioning is selling. To even wish to see rightly is astonishing in its own right and eminently courageous. So be encouraged.
This may, in fact, all be a dream and the ego a mere fiction. But if the ego is a fiction, it is one spun by All There Is, making it inherently noble and worthy of your tender care.
This may, in fact, all be a dream and the ego a mere fiction. But if the ego is a fiction, it is one spun by All There Is, making it inherently noble and worthy of your tender care.
Monday, June 20, 2011
The Wound and The Shield
I can spot ‘em a mile away, the way a pimp can spot a new "prospect," one whose self worth has been incinerated by the betrayal of sexual abuse.
There is no shortage of them. That’s for sure.
I call them the “Walking Wounded” and it’s the look in their eyes that gives them away. It’s a look of bewildered devastation that lets people like me know that these kids are ripe for the picking.
You see, these kids have been hurt (though of course “hurt” doesn’t even begin to capture it.)
It’s more like a twisting, a breaking, a tearing out and tearing up followed by a branding. This Wound is as personal and as primal as a wound can be. And when these kids regain their bearings enough to begin to survey the damage, they naturally start trying to formulate a survival plan.
Which is where I step in.
“I’ll protect you” I tell them as they stagger by.
Despite the immense betrayal they have just suffered, kids are by nature guileless and trusting. And so it is this line that hooks them. Simple and straightforward, it hits them right where they are most vulnerable. It’s irresistible to them actually and works damn near every time.
“Someone please save me” they respond. (They say it with such sincerity too. If the money weren’t so good I might be tempted to feel bad for them. Hey- this job ain’t for everyone.)
“I’ll save you, young one” I say and get down on one knee to look them if their eyes “But what are you going to do for me?”
“I’ll give you anything you want”
“Anything?”
“Yes, anything”
And so a deal is struck, one so lucrative that one client can keep a guy like me on easy street for an entire lifetime.
It works like this:
While I’m no healer (far from it in fact), I can put a “bandage” of sorts on their wound. Actually, it’s not a bandage at all. It’s more like a shield. While this Shield doesn’t actually fix anything or provide any true protection, it does prevent anything from touching the Wound again.
We all know how bad even air can sting when it comes into contact with a fresh burn. This Shield ensures that this secondary sting will never occur. (It’s common knowledge that wounds rarely need protection past the initial few days and that frequent contact with oxygen and water and sunshine are actually critical to the healing process. But they don’t know this and I sure as hell am not about to tell them! A man’s got to eat!)
The Shield has a secondary purpose however. It doesn’t just protect the Wound, it also hides The Wounds from others and, most importantly, from oneself.
There is a perception in the minds of humans (don’t ask me where it came from) that we somehow “deserve” what we experience in life. We see this all the time. If we work hard, we’ll make a lot of money. If we take care of our bodies and think good thoughts, we’ll never get sick. (Never mind all of the evidence to the contrary. The Universe apparently does not feel obliged to abide by our linear thinking in this regard.) This same type of thinking also extends to our “wounds.” If something bad happened to us, we must have caused it in some way. We must have deserved it. And if we were rejected or betrayed at an early age, then what does this say about us? Clearly, we must have had it coming. There must have been something inherently wrong with us, the world saw it and now we have the Wound to prove it.
So what can a kid do about this? Can they figure out that wounds just happen, that “deserving” has nothing to do with it? Are they savvy enough to understand that wounds get passed down from generation to generation like the physical attributes encoded by our DNA? Can a kid see any of this? Of course they can’t (which is a good damn thing or I’d be out of a job.)
But hiding is something kids do understand. (Show me a kid who hasn’t reveled in playing “Hide and Go Seek”) And so this is what I have to offer them. I can hide their Wound. I can shield it from the world so that no one will ever know that it’s there. No one will ever find out what they “deserved.”
But there is one small catch. This Shield hides the wound from the kid as well. It doesn’t make the wound go away mind you. And it certainly doesn’t allow the wound to heal. But it can take the wound out of a kid’s conscious awareness. And out of sight is out of mind, right?
This is the point in which my entire business hinges in fact. Blocking the consciousness awareness of the Wound is a tempting offer. When the pain is so acute, how can you blame anyone from jumping at an offer like this, particularly a kid?
I don’t give them the whole story of course. I don’t tell them that unhealed wounds will go on affecting them whether they are aware of them or not. I don’t tell them that what I am actually offering them protection from is something that has already happened. I don’t tell them that everyone has a wound and that the acknowledgement and acceptance of these wounds is the very essence of the healing force we call Love. And I sure as hell don’t tell them that they can heal themselves. I’d be out of a job then.
So a bargain is struck. Now you are probably asking yourself what do I get out of this deal? I provide a Shield for the Wound and so what do I get in exchange?
Mostly, I get energy. Energy is the currency of our transactions. It takes energy to protect and hide, you know? They give off the energy and I take it in.
I’m telling you- as far as an investment goes, you can’t beat this. I sell the kids on the idea that there is something wrong with them, something requiring concealment and protection and then the human mind does the rest. The mind’s capacity to imagine gets hijacked and all sorts of explanations for the gnawing feelings of unworthiness are dreamt up. That these feelings eventually become self-fulfilling prophecies only strengthens my position. All the while, the origin of all of the unworthiness and shame remains hidden from view. The Wound remains behind the Shield, unseen and unhealed, affecting everything without ever raising suspicion or calling attention to itself.
Meanwhile, I just sit back and collect my residuals.
From my perspective, the best part of all of this is the payment plan. With most jobs, you get paid a couple of times a month. Bartenders and waitresses get paid on a daily basis. But I’ve got ‘em all beat. I get paid continuously. Energy flows from them to me on a non-stop basis. It is such a scam because virtually no one is even aware that this process is occurring!
Oh, don’t get me wrong. I send out bills on a regular basis. (It would be unethical not to!) In exchange for joy, freedom and connection they receive bills in the form of numbness, rigidity and isolation. The beauty of these bills is that they serve to confirm that these poor folks really do owe something! Talk about a racket. I get ‘em coming and going.
Every now and then, when a “client” starts to question things, I do have to get a little rough. Every now and again, folks start getting curious. They start to notice the constant dispersal of their energy and they start to question the legitimacy of these bills they’ve been paying. As soon as this happens, I spring into action. I’ve got to keep this gravy train rolling!
All it generally takes is for me to threaten to pull back the Shield, even just a little. I whisper in their ear (so softly that they think it is them) “You better not look! This wound is deep and has been festering for decades. If you pull this Shield off now, it will probably kill you. The pus will flow and everyone will see it and you’ll be thrown out with the lepers though even they wouldn’t have you.” It sounds crazy to me too but you wouldn’t believe how effective this is. Remember, I’m still still talking to the little guy or girl that lives on inside of them. The innocence of these children makes them easy to fool.
So that’s about it. My business is deception and, as you can see, business is good.
As a student of human behavior, however, I have noticed a few pesky traits that do have me a bit worried however as they threaten my job security.
Like resilience. I’ve seen this over and over in folks and I hate it! There is something about human nature that just refuses to give up or give in. I’m pretty tenacious myself but it is clear to me that in the long run, their resilience will outlast me.
Another is acceptance. Sometimes a person begins to trust someone enough (God knows how!) that they actually pull back their own Shield and let someone else see their Wound. (Sometimes, of course, circumstance just rips the damned thing off!) In either case, almost invariably, I’ve seen how the person being shown the wound meets the occasion with a reverence and tenderness that instantly dissolves both fear and shame. That the exposing of one’s wound makes way for others to follow suit is a phenomenon that threatens the very foundation of my line of work, believe me.
But what I fear the most is forgiveness- the most potent of antidotes. For forgiveness passes directly through the shell, starting the healing process from within, allowing old, conditioned beliefs about wounds to be seen through and released. Because of forgiveness, the need for the Shield itself eventually seen through and the Shield dries up like so many scabs before falling off of its own accord.
And from that day forward, the scar is displayed openly, humbly and with gratitude for all of its hard won wisdom.
And I'm out of a job.
There is no shortage of them. That’s for sure.
I call them the “Walking Wounded” and it’s the look in their eyes that gives them away. It’s a look of bewildered devastation that lets people like me know that these kids are ripe for the picking.
You see, these kids have been hurt (though of course “hurt” doesn’t even begin to capture it.)
It’s more like a twisting, a breaking, a tearing out and tearing up followed by a branding. This Wound is as personal and as primal as a wound can be. And when these kids regain their bearings enough to begin to survey the damage, they naturally start trying to formulate a survival plan.
Which is where I step in.
“I’ll protect you” I tell them as they stagger by.
Despite the immense betrayal they have just suffered, kids are by nature guileless and trusting. And so it is this line that hooks them. Simple and straightforward, it hits them right where they are most vulnerable. It’s irresistible to them actually and works damn near every time.
“Someone please save me” they respond. (They say it with such sincerity too. If the money weren’t so good I might be tempted to feel bad for them. Hey- this job ain’t for everyone.)
“I’ll save you, young one” I say and get down on one knee to look them if their eyes “But what are you going to do for me?”
“I’ll give you anything you want”
“Anything?”
“Yes, anything”
And so a deal is struck, one so lucrative that one client can keep a guy like me on easy street for an entire lifetime.
It works like this:
While I’m no healer (far from it in fact), I can put a “bandage” of sorts on their wound. Actually, it’s not a bandage at all. It’s more like a shield. While this Shield doesn’t actually fix anything or provide any true protection, it does prevent anything from touching the Wound again.
We all know how bad even air can sting when it comes into contact with a fresh burn. This Shield ensures that this secondary sting will never occur. (It’s common knowledge that wounds rarely need protection past the initial few days and that frequent contact with oxygen and water and sunshine are actually critical to the healing process. But they don’t know this and I sure as hell am not about to tell them! A man’s got to eat!)
The Shield has a secondary purpose however. It doesn’t just protect the Wound, it also hides The Wounds from others and, most importantly, from oneself.
There is a perception in the minds of humans (don’t ask me where it came from) that we somehow “deserve” what we experience in life. We see this all the time. If we work hard, we’ll make a lot of money. If we take care of our bodies and think good thoughts, we’ll never get sick. (Never mind all of the evidence to the contrary. The Universe apparently does not feel obliged to abide by our linear thinking in this regard.) This same type of thinking also extends to our “wounds.” If something bad happened to us, we must have caused it in some way. We must have deserved it. And if we were rejected or betrayed at an early age, then what does this say about us? Clearly, we must have had it coming. There must have been something inherently wrong with us, the world saw it and now we have the Wound to prove it.
So what can a kid do about this? Can they figure out that wounds just happen, that “deserving” has nothing to do with it? Are they savvy enough to understand that wounds get passed down from generation to generation like the physical attributes encoded by our DNA? Can a kid see any of this? Of course they can’t (which is a good damn thing or I’d be out of a job.)
But hiding is something kids do understand. (Show me a kid who hasn’t reveled in playing “Hide and Go Seek”) And so this is what I have to offer them. I can hide their Wound. I can shield it from the world so that no one will ever know that it’s there. No one will ever find out what they “deserved.”
But there is one small catch. This Shield hides the wound from the kid as well. It doesn’t make the wound go away mind you. And it certainly doesn’t allow the wound to heal. But it can take the wound out of a kid’s conscious awareness. And out of sight is out of mind, right?
This is the point in which my entire business hinges in fact. Blocking the consciousness awareness of the Wound is a tempting offer. When the pain is so acute, how can you blame anyone from jumping at an offer like this, particularly a kid?
I don’t give them the whole story of course. I don’t tell them that unhealed wounds will go on affecting them whether they are aware of them or not. I don’t tell them that what I am actually offering them protection from is something that has already happened. I don’t tell them that everyone has a wound and that the acknowledgement and acceptance of these wounds is the very essence of the healing force we call Love. And I sure as hell don’t tell them that they can heal themselves. I’d be out of a job then.
So a bargain is struck. Now you are probably asking yourself what do I get out of this deal? I provide a Shield for the Wound and so what do I get in exchange?
Mostly, I get energy. Energy is the currency of our transactions. It takes energy to protect and hide, you know? They give off the energy and I take it in.
I’m telling you- as far as an investment goes, you can’t beat this. I sell the kids on the idea that there is something wrong with them, something requiring concealment and protection and then the human mind does the rest. The mind’s capacity to imagine gets hijacked and all sorts of explanations for the gnawing feelings of unworthiness are dreamt up. That these feelings eventually become self-fulfilling prophecies only strengthens my position. All the while, the origin of all of the unworthiness and shame remains hidden from view. The Wound remains behind the Shield, unseen and unhealed, affecting everything without ever raising suspicion or calling attention to itself.
Meanwhile, I just sit back and collect my residuals.
From my perspective, the best part of all of this is the payment plan. With most jobs, you get paid a couple of times a month. Bartenders and waitresses get paid on a daily basis. But I’ve got ‘em all beat. I get paid continuously. Energy flows from them to me on a non-stop basis. It is such a scam because virtually no one is even aware that this process is occurring!
Oh, don’t get me wrong. I send out bills on a regular basis. (It would be unethical not to!) In exchange for joy, freedom and connection they receive bills in the form of numbness, rigidity and isolation. The beauty of these bills is that they serve to confirm that these poor folks really do owe something! Talk about a racket. I get ‘em coming and going.
Every now and then, when a “client” starts to question things, I do have to get a little rough. Every now and again, folks start getting curious. They start to notice the constant dispersal of their energy and they start to question the legitimacy of these bills they’ve been paying. As soon as this happens, I spring into action. I’ve got to keep this gravy train rolling!
All it generally takes is for me to threaten to pull back the Shield, even just a little. I whisper in their ear (so softly that they think it is them) “You better not look! This wound is deep and has been festering for decades. If you pull this Shield off now, it will probably kill you. The pus will flow and everyone will see it and you’ll be thrown out with the lepers though even they wouldn’t have you.” It sounds crazy to me too but you wouldn’t believe how effective this is. Remember, I’m still still talking to the little guy or girl that lives on inside of them. The innocence of these children makes them easy to fool.
So that’s about it. My business is deception and, as you can see, business is good.
As a student of human behavior, however, I have noticed a few pesky traits that do have me a bit worried however as they threaten my job security.
Like resilience. I’ve seen this over and over in folks and I hate it! There is something about human nature that just refuses to give up or give in. I’m pretty tenacious myself but it is clear to me that in the long run, their resilience will outlast me.
Another is acceptance. Sometimes a person begins to trust someone enough (God knows how!) that they actually pull back their own Shield and let someone else see their Wound. (Sometimes, of course, circumstance just rips the damned thing off!) In either case, almost invariably, I’ve seen how the person being shown the wound meets the occasion with a reverence and tenderness that instantly dissolves both fear and shame. That the exposing of one’s wound makes way for others to follow suit is a phenomenon that threatens the very foundation of my line of work, believe me.
But what I fear the most is forgiveness- the most potent of antidotes. For forgiveness passes directly through the shell, starting the healing process from within, allowing old, conditioned beliefs about wounds to be seen through and released. Because of forgiveness, the need for the Shield itself eventually seen through and the Shield dries up like so many scabs before falling off of its own accord.
And from that day forward, the scar is displayed openly, humbly and with gratitude for all of its hard won wisdom.
And I'm out of a job.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Look No Further
Dog on the floor. Fan blowing. Chicken and mango on the plate. Movie on pause.
Habits, beliefs, fear and hope all momentarily recede to reveal That which is never hidden.
This (whatever This is) is True. And beautiful. Because It is here, now, in this moment.
Habits, beliefs, fear and hope all momentarily recede to reveal That which is never hidden.
This (whatever This is) is True. And beautiful. Because It is here, now, in this moment.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Untitled in the Key of G
From Boulder to Dharmsala
Bangok to Walla Walla
my search took me to many a strange land
So imagine my surprise
when I caught my dakini's eyes
in a Wal-Mart in Mobile, Alabam
She said "My name is Holly
but my friends call me Kali"
and then she smiled at me from behind her dreads
With the courage I could muster
I decided I should trust her
but I wondered about those severed heads
She read me Ramana Maharshi
and recited Rumi to me in Farsi
she taught me yoga in her double wide
She loved incense and candles
and black label Jack Daniels
she wore a Colt .45 on her side
We made love like Shiva and Shakti
and damn, that little girl rocked me
and I wondered how long I'd been blind
She said "close your eyes and you'll see me"
and that moved Kundalini
and the serpent uncoiled up my spine
We taught each other the Dharma
as we burned up all of our karma
she was the finest woman I'd ever met in my life
We spent our days laughing like a mantra
and spent our nights lost in our tantra
but something told me I'd never call her my wife
One day we had our fortunes told
and we learned that only one of us would grow old
she smiled and said "don't worry babe 'cause it's you"
She said she felt she would be leaving soon
probably some time around the next full moon
and I knew right then and there what she was going to do
she always said it would be suicide
that would carry her to the other side
when she was ready for a different taste of bliss
She thanked me helping evolve her
and then she handed me that Colt revolver
and said "here you go I'll no longer need this"
I cried the day we prayed goodbye
and thanked her for teaching me to fly
and then I gave her what would be our final kiss
I imagine that she was humming Bob Marley
the day that she finally rode that Harley
right off the road out into the abyss
Bangok to Walla Walla
my search took me to many a strange land
So imagine my surprise
when I caught my dakini's eyes
in a Wal-Mart in Mobile, Alabam
She said "My name is Holly
but my friends call me Kali"
and then she smiled at me from behind her dreads
With the courage I could muster
I decided I should trust her
but I wondered about those severed heads
She read me Ramana Maharshi
and recited Rumi to me in Farsi
she taught me yoga in her double wide
She loved incense and candles
and black label Jack Daniels
she wore a Colt .45 on her side
We made love like Shiva and Shakti
and damn, that little girl rocked me
and I wondered how long I'd been blind
She said "close your eyes and you'll see me"
and that moved Kundalini
and the serpent uncoiled up my spine
We taught each other the Dharma
as we burned up all of our karma
she was the finest woman I'd ever met in my life
We spent our days laughing like a mantra
and spent our nights lost in our tantra
but something told me I'd never call her my wife
One day we had our fortunes told
and we learned that only one of us would grow old
she smiled and said "don't worry babe 'cause it's you"
She said she felt she would be leaving soon
probably some time around the next full moon
and I knew right then and there what she was going to do
she always said it would be suicide
that would carry her to the other side
when she was ready for a different taste of bliss
She thanked me helping evolve her
and then she handed me that Colt revolver
and said "here you go I'll no longer need this"
I cried the day we prayed goodbye
and thanked her for teaching me to fly
and then I gave her what would be our final kiss
I imagine that she was humming Bob Marley
the day that she finally rode that Harley
right off the road out into the abyss
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Dr O's Groundbreaking, Deeply Spiritual and Insightful Miracle Diet!
1. Make healthy food choices. Forgive yourself when you don't
2. Disconnect these choices from beliefs about the size and/or shape of your body
3. Learn what size portion is ideal for you and eat that amount
4. Chew thoroughly
5. Eat mindfully or contemplatively. The miracle of taste or gratitude for sustenance (or the money to buy sustenance) may be good places to start though you will, of course, find what works for you
6. Pay attention to how you feel after eating. As best as you can, use the information to inform your food choices going forward
7. Eat with your fingers as often as possible, particularly when in "polite company"
This diet is guaranteed to not make you rich, pretty or famous.
Gassho
2. Disconnect these choices from beliefs about the size and/or shape of your body
3. Learn what size portion is ideal for you and eat that amount
4. Chew thoroughly
5. Eat mindfully or contemplatively. The miracle of taste or gratitude for sustenance (or the money to buy sustenance) may be good places to start though you will, of course, find what works for you
6. Pay attention to how you feel after eating. As best as you can, use the information to inform your food choices going forward
7. Eat with your fingers as often as possible, particularly when in "polite company"
This diet is guaranteed to not make you rich, pretty or famous.
Gassho
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
What's Going On?
Every second of every day, so much is going on. Cars are going on, people are going on, every variety of emotion is going on. Birds are zooming around, people are being born, dying, crying, making love and laughing. Sea life is going on, computers are doing whatever it is that they do. A deafening silence is going on on the moon, winds are blowing across the vast desolation of Saturn. Galaxies are going on. The incomprehensible immensity of our ever expanding universe is going on. Even this little office I'm sitting in is going on. One could spend a lifetime contemplating how improbable and unknowable this office alone is.
It's odd isn't it- that there's stuff? Isn't this odd?
Sometimes I just want to go “Yo! Everybody! Hold up! Hold up a second! What in the world is going on? What are we doing and why are we doing it?” An even better question- "How is this?" How is all of this happening? Why am I writing this? Why do you understand it? When we talk with each other, we look into each others eyes and this seems routine. But why do we perceive each other at all? It’s all so peculiar.
Isn’t it bizarre that something so outrageously, unfathomably and infinitely complex as all of this is occurring? The craziest part though is how it's all so patently obvious that we hardly even notice it. Why aren’t we completely stupefied all the time? How can we worry about waiting in line at the post office when things as improbable and completely unknowable as “post offices” and “standing in line” seem to exist?
It's interesting to stop sometimes and just see what This is like. Not to 'think' about what This is like (though trying to 'not think' is more of the same.) What if we just drop the chatter ("Will I get what I want? Will I like what I get?" etc) while also dropping all attempts to 'feel' what This is like (though of course still allowing any feelings that do arise.) What if we just stop for a second and wonder what This is like.
Yes- that's it. Stopping at the wonder. How cool.
It's odd isn't it- that there's stuff? Isn't this odd?
Sometimes I just want to go “Yo! Everybody! Hold up! Hold up a second! What in the world is going on? What are we doing and why are we doing it?” An even better question- "How is this?" How is all of this happening? Why am I writing this? Why do you understand it? When we talk with each other, we look into each others eyes and this seems routine. But why do we perceive each other at all? It’s all so peculiar.
Isn’t it bizarre that something so outrageously, unfathomably and infinitely complex as all of this is occurring? The craziest part though is how it's all so patently obvious that we hardly even notice it. Why aren’t we completely stupefied all the time? How can we worry about waiting in line at the post office when things as improbable and completely unknowable as “post offices” and “standing in line” seem to exist?
It's interesting to stop sometimes and just see what This is like. Not to 'think' about what This is like (though trying to 'not think' is more of the same.) What if we just drop the chatter ("Will I get what I want? Will I like what I get?" etc) while also dropping all attempts to 'feel' what This is like (though of course still allowing any feelings that do arise.) What if we just stop for a second and wonder what This is like.
Yes- that's it. Stopping at the wonder. How cool.
Lila
"Lila is a concept within Hinduism literally meaning "pastime", "sport" or "play". Lila is a way of describing all reality, including the cosmos, as the outcome of creative play by the divine absolute (Brahman)."
It does seem real. I'll admit that. My "self" does seem real. Yours seems even more real for some reason.
But it's not.
All of this stuff seems so serious. We gotta get the right job and the right partner and the right this and the right that.
But we really don't. Mostly cause there's no "we". There's only This. Only "One without a second."
So No Self. No solid, enduring self. This is the funny part, the unfathomable part. The part that if I ever see through will permit real living to begin. When the "life or death" stuff drops, the play can begin. Lila.
We wake from dreams all the time and instantly realize that none of it really happened. What if WE (the selves we feel and believe ourselves to be) were part of a dream. Part of Consciousness's dream. What if we are the ongoing dream of the divine absolute, of Brahman. How would we know? We wouldn't because we would have no reference point outside of the dream (because all potential points of reference would be similarly part of the dream).
But still, dream characters do wake up. We occasionally become lucid within our own dreams. Perhaps Consciousness does as well.
So, in the mean time, what do we do? No idea, though I do like St Augustine's suggestion:
"Love God and do what you will"
It does seem real. I'll admit that. My "self" does seem real. Yours seems even more real for some reason.
But it's not.
All of this stuff seems so serious. We gotta get the right job and the right partner and the right this and the right that.
But we really don't. Mostly cause there's no "we". There's only This. Only "One without a second."
So No Self. No solid, enduring self. This is the funny part, the unfathomable part. The part that if I ever see through will permit real living to begin. When the "life or death" stuff drops, the play can begin. Lila.
We wake from dreams all the time and instantly realize that none of it really happened. What if WE (the selves we feel and believe ourselves to be) were part of a dream. Part of Consciousness's dream. What if we are the ongoing dream of the divine absolute, of Brahman. How would we know? We wouldn't because we would have no reference point outside of the dream (because all potential points of reference would be similarly part of the dream).
But still, dream characters do wake up. We occasionally become lucid within our own dreams. Perhaps Consciousness does as well.
So, in the mean time, what do we do? No idea, though I do like St Augustine's suggestion:
"Love God and do what you will"
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Chop Wood, Take a Nap
Chopping wood is a favorite Zen metaphor, though nowhere does it suggest that ALL we should do is chop wood or that we should chop wood incessantly.
The resting phase is as important as the active phase because without resting, you may never allow God to swing the axe. (I'm told She's quite prolific)
The resting phase is as important as the active phase because without resting, you may never allow God to swing the axe. (I'm told She's quite prolific)
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
We Are Family (quite literally)
It is funny how "relatedness" is considered to be dependent upon genetic similarity (ie siblings are more closely related than cousins, humans are more closely related to chimpanzees than banana slugs, etc)
But if you can't see how we are all brothers and sisters (and this does include the creepy crawlies), well, try looking again.
But if you can't see how we are all brothers and sisters (and this does include the creepy crawlies), well, try looking again.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Ebb and Flow
Upward trajectories and episodic setbacks are not mutually exclusive. Rather the nature of authentic progress is characterized by both.
With this show I truly believe we have the best interest of others at heart, which means that the entire Universe is on our side.
Belief, patience and persistence is our job. And when the timing is perfect, I look forward to humbly watching as the Universe effortlessly mobilizes the resources which had previously lain beyond our human reach.
With this show I truly believe we have the best interest of others at heart, which means that the entire Universe is on our side.
Belief, patience and persistence is our job. And when the timing is perfect, I look forward to humbly watching as the Universe effortlessly mobilizes the resources which had previously lain beyond our human reach.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
A Suggestion for Our Guests
I have only one suggestion for our guests before they come on the show (besides “don’t wear stripes” ) The only way the show will be a success (and by success I mean the only way the show will resonate within the hearts of the audience) is if we come from our hearts. I will never be the smartest or cleverest or funniest TV host in the world. But I can be unsurpassed in the love I have for the audience. I invite you to join me in this.
This is just a TV show- not life or death- and I want it to be as much fun as possible. Laughter and smiles will be signs that we are on the right track. But most of all, I want to offer the audience something. If you didn’t have gifts to offer then I wouldn’t have asked you to come on the show.
So I am inviting you to “let it all hang out.” If you knew that your brief time on the show was the only chance you would ever have to reach these people, what would you want to say to them? What would you like them to know about how your talents and abilities could be of use to them? How can you use these few minutes on the air to be of service?
Lastly, let’s remember that the people tuning into the show, whether it’s one person or one thousand people, are our brothers and sisters. Literally. So there is nothing to worry about. Let’s just come from our hearts and show our fellow human beings that we truly care about them, that we’re all in this together and that it’s all One Love.
Sound good? Now break a leg!
This is just a TV show- not life or death- and I want it to be as much fun as possible. Laughter and smiles will be signs that we are on the right track. But most of all, I want to offer the audience something. If you didn’t have gifts to offer then I wouldn’t have asked you to come on the show.
So I am inviting you to “let it all hang out.” If you knew that your brief time on the show was the only chance you would ever have to reach these people, what would you want to say to them? What would you like them to know about how your talents and abilities could be of use to them? How can you use these few minutes on the air to be of service?
Lastly, let’s remember that the people tuning into the show, whether it’s one person or one thousand people, are our brothers and sisters. Literally. So there is nothing to worry about. Let’s just come from our hearts and show our fellow human beings that we truly care about them, that we’re all in this together and that it’s all One Love.
Sound good? Now break a leg!
A Good Use of Time
Every now and again, even the least curious and least introspective of us must have moments of wondering what the point of all of This really is. It's hard to imagine an entire lifetime passing without some curiosity about "The Meaning of Life."
Pondering the mystery of physical manifestation is the most trenchant application of our mental energy. What prevents us from doing so more frequently, it seems, is the all-encompassing obviousness of It All.
If you stop for a moment and think about it, it really is all so odd, isn't it? If it weren't for our brain's automatic habit of ignoring all but the most novel and dramatic sensory input, I imagine we would all walk around in a constant state of dumbfoundedness (which would clearly be evolutionarily disadvantageous.)
Many of us do, of course, ask "Why am I here?' though my guess is that this is often in the "What is my purpose for being here?" context.
So perhaps a better question is "How am I here?"
When we open our eyes in the morning, most of us instantly identify with egos which, in their clamoring for mere survival, long ago lost their sense of wonder at existence. The ego's unspoken assumption is something along the lines of "Yes, of course- I'm me. And I live here. And things are like this. Just like yesterday and last week and last year and the year before that" etc. It is as if our brains are always whispering "Nothing to see here. Now move along. We have a survival plan that needs orchestrating, remember?"
So I ask you to consider setting aside the incurious manner in which our brain routinely meets existence. Find moments when you can sincerely ask the question "How am I here?" though once you do, similarly set aside the brain's immediate search for answer (which is sure to follow.) Be satisfied to simply ponder how strange it is to be here at all and dwell in the spaciousness of the wonder which arises. Then just linger there awhile.
Yes, whether we are doing the dishes, making love or surfing the web in trance, the vast expanse of the Universe, with it's unknowable origins and unfathomable happenings, spins on and on and on. Just as it did long before we were here to witness it (or ignore it, as the case may be) and as it will continue to do long after we are gone.
And still, the question "How is all of this?" persists, like an ineffable elephant sitting smack dab in the middle of this unknowable room.
Gassho
Pondering the mystery of physical manifestation is the most trenchant application of our mental energy. What prevents us from doing so more frequently, it seems, is the all-encompassing obviousness of It All.
If you stop for a moment and think about it, it really is all so odd, isn't it? If it weren't for our brain's automatic habit of ignoring all but the most novel and dramatic sensory input, I imagine we would all walk around in a constant state of dumbfoundedness (which would clearly be evolutionarily disadvantageous.)
Many of us do, of course, ask "Why am I here?' though my guess is that this is often in the "What is my purpose for being here?" context.
So perhaps a better question is "How am I here?"
When we open our eyes in the morning, most of us instantly identify with egos which, in their clamoring for mere survival, long ago lost their sense of wonder at existence. The ego's unspoken assumption is something along the lines of "Yes, of course- I'm me. And I live here. And things are like this. Just like yesterday and last week and last year and the year before that" etc. It is as if our brains are always whispering "Nothing to see here. Now move along. We have a survival plan that needs orchestrating, remember?"
So I ask you to consider setting aside the incurious manner in which our brain routinely meets existence. Find moments when you can sincerely ask the question "How am I here?" though once you do, similarly set aside the brain's immediate search for answer (which is sure to follow.) Be satisfied to simply ponder how strange it is to be here at all and dwell in the spaciousness of the wonder which arises. Then just linger there awhile.
Yes, whether we are doing the dishes, making love or surfing the web in trance, the vast expanse of the Universe, with it's unknowable origins and unfathomable happenings, spins on and on and on. Just as it did long before we were here to witness it (or ignore it, as the case may be) and as it will continue to do long after we are gone.
And still, the question "How is all of this?" persists, like an ineffable elephant sitting smack dab in the middle of this unknowable room.
Gassho
Friday, April 8, 2011
"Co-Creation"
You hear this term a lot in spiritual circles. The inference is that the course of our lives is the result of a collaboration between us and the Divine. In other words, our effort, intentions, actions, thoughts and beliefs all contribute to a significant degree to what we experience during these lifetimes.
This sounds good. It really does. And, on the surface of things, it sure seems to be the case, doesn't it?
I mean, we've all heard about (and probably experienced) the "power of positive thinking." We've all had "answered prayers". We've all had hard work pay off. And we've probably all been dumbfounded by fantastic "coincidences" which leave us certain that the Divine knew exactly what "we" needed and provided it to "us" precisely when we needed it the most.
We have all experienced the flip side at least as frequently haven't we? We've all "tempted fate", "let opportunity pass us by", issued forth "self-fulfilling prophesies" and maybe even "dug our own graves" a time or two.
Things such as these all support the idea that there is a solid "me" who is, to greater or lesser degrees, functioning as a metaphysical co-pilot of sorts.
And for all I know, maybe this is the case. Maybe we are powerful "Co-Creators" of our own experience.
But one thing troubles me about this line of reasoning.
From where exactly do these intentions to co-create arise?
Before you answer, "From me, of course", think about it a second.
Who are you anyway? And for that matter, where are you? Behind your eye balls in the center of your skull? Is this right? Is there a little intention making apparatus in there? If so, is this you? How can you be sure?
The problem that arises is that there is no way for the ego structure to either confirm (or disprove for that matter) it's own reality. Every opinion it offers is, by definition, self-referential and thus immediately invalid.
Now there is nothing wrong with subjectivity. I am a big fan of it, in fact. But when it comes to ultimate answers, I know that "I"- "the Christian thing"- in its myriad of iterations- is fundamentally unreliable.
Asking an ego to assess it's own nature is like composing an essay exam for yourself, answering it and then giving yourself a grade. Doesn't seem kosher does it?
So where does this leave us? Should we just throw in the towel and stroll blithely down the primrose path?
No, that obviously won't do at all. Even if we are completely devoid any control whatsoever, our gut tells us that we must do something. We can't go out like that.
So where do we look?
Maybe the gut isn't such a bad place to start after all.
The intellect is well suited for executing practical matters such as teeth brushing, car driving, and atom-splitting. When it comes to explorations of our fundamental nature, however, we may be best served by passing the reigns over to our Intuition.
It seems to me that we are never going to think our way in to Heaven. But neither should we try to dispense with the faculties of thought such as discernment, which is invaluable on any spiritual path.
My point is just this- let's be careful about our assumptions- even the flowery, "positive" ones.
Does being a co-creator sound good? Heck yeah. Is it possible that this is the case? Sure. But we are going to have place aside all biases, preconceptions and wishful thinking if we are going to conduct a serious and objective investigation.
But isn't our Intuition subjective? Well, in the sense that it is "ours", yes. But our Intuition, though not always easy to perceive, is, in its purest sense, unencumbered by our past and unburdened by our conditioning. Which makes it a more appropriate and investigative instrument for explorations of this nature.
The irony of all of this, of course, is that Ultimate answers can only be known subjectively. If you've read as many spiritual books as I have you may come to the conclusions that other peoples' awakenings really are of little use to us in the long run, except perhaps to provide us encouragement along the way. The are no shortcuts and we have to make the journey ourselves. In this case, knowledge of new horizons and broader vistas is truly dead. Either we see it for ourselves or we don't. Anything else is just us sitting through someone else's spiritual slide show.
A teacher of mine put it this way- Awakening isn't up to us though we need to act like it is.
Discovering one's true nature is the most personal undertaking imaginable, the responsibility for which falls squarely on what in the end may turn out to be our non-existent shoulders.
Gassho
This sounds good. It really does. And, on the surface of things, it sure seems to be the case, doesn't it?
I mean, we've all heard about (and probably experienced) the "power of positive thinking." We've all had "answered prayers". We've all had hard work pay off. And we've probably all been dumbfounded by fantastic "coincidences" which leave us certain that the Divine knew exactly what "we" needed and provided it to "us" precisely when we needed it the most.
We have all experienced the flip side at least as frequently haven't we? We've all "tempted fate", "let opportunity pass us by", issued forth "self-fulfilling prophesies" and maybe even "dug our own graves" a time or two.
Things such as these all support the idea that there is a solid "me" who is, to greater or lesser degrees, functioning as a metaphysical co-pilot of sorts.
And for all I know, maybe this is the case. Maybe we are powerful "Co-Creators" of our own experience.
But one thing troubles me about this line of reasoning.
From where exactly do these intentions to co-create arise?
Before you answer, "From me, of course", think about it a second.
Who are you anyway? And for that matter, where are you? Behind your eye balls in the center of your skull? Is this right? Is there a little intention making apparatus in there? If so, is this you? How can you be sure?
The problem that arises is that there is no way for the ego structure to either confirm (or disprove for that matter) it's own reality. Every opinion it offers is, by definition, self-referential and thus immediately invalid.
Now there is nothing wrong with subjectivity. I am a big fan of it, in fact. But when it comes to ultimate answers, I know that "I"- "the Christian thing"- in its myriad of iterations- is fundamentally unreliable.
Asking an ego to assess it's own nature is like composing an essay exam for yourself, answering it and then giving yourself a grade. Doesn't seem kosher does it?
So where does this leave us? Should we just throw in the towel and stroll blithely down the primrose path?
No, that obviously won't do at all. Even if we are completely devoid any control whatsoever, our gut tells us that we must do something. We can't go out like that.
So where do we look?
Maybe the gut isn't such a bad place to start after all.
The intellect is well suited for executing practical matters such as teeth brushing, car driving, and atom-splitting. When it comes to explorations of our fundamental nature, however, we may be best served by passing the reigns over to our Intuition.
It seems to me that we are never going to think our way in to Heaven. But neither should we try to dispense with the faculties of thought such as discernment, which is invaluable on any spiritual path.
My point is just this- let's be careful about our assumptions- even the flowery, "positive" ones.
Does being a co-creator sound good? Heck yeah. Is it possible that this is the case? Sure. But we are going to have place aside all biases, preconceptions and wishful thinking if we are going to conduct a serious and objective investigation.
But isn't our Intuition subjective? Well, in the sense that it is "ours", yes. But our Intuition, though not always easy to perceive, is, in its purest sense, unencumbered by our past and unburdened by our conditioning. Which makes it a more appropriate and investigative instrument for explorations of this nature.
The irony of all of this, of course, is that Ultimate answers can only be known subjectively. If you've read as many spiritual books as I have you may come to the conclusions that other peoples' awakenings really are of little use to us in the long run, except perhaps to provide us encouragement along the way. The are no shortcuts and we have to make the journey ourselves. In this case, knowledge of new horizons and broader vistas is truly dead. Either we see it for ourselves or we don't. Anything else is just us sitting through someone else's spiritual slide show.
A teacher of mine put it this way- Awakening isn't up to us though we need to act like it is.
Discovering one's true nature is the most personal undertaking imaginable, the responsibility for which falls squarely on what in the end may turn out to be our non-existent shoulders.
Gassho
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
The Looking Glass
The Immensity is camouflaged precisely by its all encompassing obviousness. But this isn't the reason we don't see it.
We don't see it because It is doing the looking. It is actually looking at us! Right now, in this very moment.
Strange isn't it? But wonderful.
And from Its perspective, all is surely well.
We don't see it because It is doing the looking. It is actually looking at us! Right now, in this very moment.
Strange isn't it? But wonderful.
And from Its perspective, all is surely well.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Nothing Inevitable Can Be Bad
I'm told that Awakening, like getting struck by lightning, is an accident, that its occurrence lies outside of our volitional control. That said, if one does nothing to encourage its arrival then the likelihood of waking up remains as remote as the likelihood of being struck by lightning.
Without being prescriptive, there are actions one can take which may tempt fate, if you will, and serve as the metaphorical equivalents of climbing trees during thunderstorms.
First, become interested in Life. Initially this may take the form of interest in "Your" life, though if you stay interested long enough, the "your" will fall away...
Forgive yourself.
Then forgive others.
Have Faith, but not in anything or anyone. Just have It.
Say Thank You. Constantly. For absolutely everything, remembering that the Universe is incapable of harming itself.
Practice suspending your belief in the way things seem or in the way you believe they are. Notice the way things seem to be and then dwell in the possibility that this is just that- the way things seem. You don't need to figure out how things REALLY are (which is not possible) but rather just acknowledge and become aware of the fact that how things seem is merely your own, limited perspective and not in anyway an accurate reflection of how things actually are.
Extend this practice to from the mundane, over-learned situations you find yourself in to the most emotionally charged of moments.
Lastly, become interested in death, only in this case, do keep it personal. Become interested in Your Death- the one fact of life upon which we can absolutely rely.
Whenever matters trivial or great seduce you into mistaking them for Truth, turn your attention and imagination to your very own death.
Yes, you and I will surely one day die, like the countless deaths, both real and pretend, we have witnessed in hospital rooms and on movie screens.
The difference, though, is that for this death, we will have a front row seat. In fact, we will be the only one in the theater. Sure, for many the room may well be crowded with loved ones but you can be sure of this- the experience of death will be ours alone.
These bodies are dying. Right now. All of them. Contemplation of this fact shines light on the trivialities on which we waste our time and mental energy while simultaneously clarifying those aspects of life which are worthy of our attention.
I have found that nothing creates space for wonder to arise like the sincere contemplation of my mortality.
This last practice is not for everyone of course. Many will dismiss it as morbid or negative. But let me say that contemplation of the mystery of death has been so interesting and oddly comforting to me that I encourage others to at least give it try before scoffing.
And while doing so, you may do well to remember two things.
One, nothing inevitable can ever truly be bad.
Two, there is no such thing as an ending, for the simple fact that there was never a beginning. Only the Eternal Now.
Gassho
Without being prescriptive, there are actions one can take which may tempt fate, if you will, and serve as the metaphorical equivalents of climbing trees during thunderstorms.
First, become interested in Life. Initially this may take the form of interest in "Your" life, though if you stay interested long enough, the "your" will fall away...
Forgive yourself.
Then forgive others.
Have Faith, but not in anything or anyone. Just have It.
Say Thank You. Constantly. For absolutely everything, remembering that the Universe is incapable of harming itself.
Practice suspending your belief in the way things seem or in the way you believe they are. Notice the way things seem to be and then dwell in the possibility that this is just that- the way things seem. You don't need to figure out how things REALLY are (which is not possible) but rather just acknowledge and become aware of the fact that how things seem is merely your own, limited perspective and not in anyway an accurate reflection of how things actually are.
Extend this practice to from the mundane, over-learned situations you find yourself in to the most emotionally charged of moments.
Lastly, become interested in death, only in this case, do keep it personal. Become interested in Your Death- the one fact of life upon which we can absolutely rely.
Whenever matters trivial or great seduce you into mistaking them for Truth, turn your attention and imagination to your very own death.
Yes, you and I will surely one day die, like the countless deaths, both real and pretend, we have witnessed in hospital rooms and on movie screens.
The difference, though, is that for this death, we will have a front row seat. In fact, we will be the only one in the theater. Sure, for many the room may well be crowded with loved ones but you can be sure of this- the experience of death will be ours alone.
These bodies are dying. Right now. All of them. Contemplation of this fact shines light on the trivialities on which we waste our time and mental energy while simultaneously clarifying those aspects of life which are worthy of our attention.
I have found that nothing creates space for wonder to arise like the sincere contemplation of my mortality.
This last practice is not for everyone of course. Many will dismiss it as morbid or negative. But let me say that contemplation of the mystery of death has been so interesting and oddly comforting to me that I encourage others to at least give it try before scoffing.
And while doing so, you may do well to remember two things.
One, nothing inevitable can ever truly be bad.
Two, there is no such thing as an ending, for the simple fact that there was never a beginning. Only the Eternal Now.
Gassho
Chatter Box
Sometimes a voice chastises me for not going to the gym and sometimes one tries to talk me out of going. Once I get there, a voice either tells me I need to do more or tries to persuade me to leave early.
The interesting part? It's the same voice.
The irony? It's not even me.
It's just the endless and automatic chatter of conditioning, as relevant as the non-sensical babble of a 2 year old (minus the cuteness).
This Chatter isn't "wrong" or "bad" (anymore than a 2 year old is bad or wrong.) It's just not who we are.
The most important insight I can share (and one that is almost impossible for me to remember) is that paying rapt attention to our ongoing mental chatter IS NOT LIFE.
Entire lives are spent enthralled by this chatter. We truly believe that this chatter is who we are. Or rather, The Chatter believes The Chatter is who we are. Or perhaps most accurately, The Chatter desperately tries to convince us that The Chatter is who we are, that it is real, continuous and substantial.
But it isn’t. How could it be?
When you get down to it, the "self concept" is really just a thought, isn't it? It's a complex, sophisticated, interminably long thought but still just a thought. And there are no "unconditioned" thoughts.
And as unpalatable as this may sound, there are no original thoughts. All thoughts (including these) are, by definition, conditioned. They are also automatic, reflexive and reactive (which probably does not come as good news to The Chatter)
So what can be done to break the spell that The Chatter has cast over us?
I was told once that in order to enjoy reading fiction or watching a movie we often have to "suspend our disbelief." If the whole time you are watching a movie you are thinking to yourself "this is far-fetched. This could never happen" it becomes pretty difficult to enjoy the book or movie for what it is- entertainment- a distraction from what we call "real life."
But when it comes to "real life", I would recommend the exact opposite approach. I would suggest suspending your belief.
For me this looks like imagining what it would be like to be in a particular situation without all of the usual accompanying conditioned beliefs, thoughts and opinions about it. I just ask myself, "What would it be like to be here without 'The Story?'
Or, alternatively, I imagine what it would be like if my perspective were that of the person I am talking to? How do I look and seem to them? Or what if my consciousness were in that dog or that tree? What would the view look like from there? What would it be like to actually be that other person, plant or object?
Now why should one bother doing this? Well, the truth is, there is no particular reason, except that if you, like me, intuit that there is more going on here than what meets the eye- more than the just The Chatter- then it might be helpful as a means of dissociating ourselves from our normal waking consciousness. It might give us a little breathing room and a fresh perspective. And if we're lucky, it may even create the space necessary for something else to arise.
At the very least, you may learn to appreciate the brief respite from the Chatter (which will surely return.) And who knows? As simple as it may sound, if you keep playing on the edges like this long enough, you may just fall off.
Gassho
The interesting part? It's the same voice.
The irony? It's not even me.
It's just the endless and automatic chatter of conditioning, as relevant as the non-sensical babble of a 2 year old (minus the cuteness).
This Chatter isn't "wrong" or "bad" (anymore than a 2 year old is bad or wrong.) It's just not who we are.
The most important insight I can share (and one that is almost impossible for me to remember) is that paying rapt attention to our ongoing mental chatter IS NOT LIFE.
Entire lives are spent enthralled by this chatter. We truly believe that this chatter is who we are. Or rather, The Chatter believes The Chatter is who we are. Or perhaps most accurately, The Chatter desperately tries to convince us that The Chatter is who we are, that it is real, continuous and substantial.
But it isn’t. How could it be?
When you get down to it, the "self concept" is really just a thought, isn't it? It's a complex, sophisticated, interminably long thought but still just a thought. And there are no "unconditioned" thoughts.
And as unpalatable as this may sound, there are no original thoughts. All thoughts (including these) are, by definition, conditioned. They are also automatic, reflexive and reactive (which probably does not come as good news to The Chatter)
So what can be done to break the spell that The Chatter has cast over us?
I was told once that in order to enjoy reading fiction or watching a movie we often have to "suspend our disbelief." If the whole time you are watching a movie you are thinking to yourself "this is far-fetched. This could never happen" it becomes pretty difficult to enjoy the book or movie for what it is- entertainment- a distraction from what we call "real life."
But when it comes to "real life", I would recommend the exact opposite approach. I would suggest suspending your belief.
For me this looks like imagining what it would be like to be in a particular situation without all of the usual accompanying conditioned beliefs, thoughts and opinions about it. I just ask myself, "What would it be like to be here without 'The Story?'
Or, alternatively, I imagine what it would be like if my perspective were that of the person I am talking to? How do I look and seem to them? Or what if my consciousness were in that dog or that tree? What would the view look like from there? What would it be like to actually be that other person, plant or object?
Now why should one bother doing this? Well, the truth is, there is no particular reason, except that if you, like me, intuit that there is more going on here than what meets the eye- more than the just The Chatter- then it might be helpful as a means of dissociating ourselves from our normal waking consciousness. It might give us a little breathing room and a fresh perspective. And if we're lucky, it may even create the space necessary for something else to arise.
At the very least, you may learn to appreciate the brief respite from the Chatter (which will surely return.) And who knows? As simple as it may sound, if you keep playing on the edges like this long enough, you may just fall off.
Gassho
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
I, Robot
I was watching “Donny Darko” a few weeks back when I had an interesting and subtle experience, so subtle in fact that if I had not written it down immediately afterward, I doubt even the faintest trace of it would have remained by morning. Here’s essentially what happened…
While watching the movie, my mind wandered and I found myself mulling over a brief, rather mundane period of time from earlier in the day.
I recalled how I arrived at an appointment only to realize that I had forgotten to bring something which initially seemed terribly important (though this turned out not to be the case.) I then saw myself searching my truck frantically for the forgotten item before settling into 5 or so minutes of punitive self talk over having forgotten it. Lastly, I recalled how I snapped out of the funk by realizing that I hadn’t intended to forget. I was able to give myself a break and head into the appointment without it.
Basically, what happened was that I noticed that my attention shifted from the movie to the remembrance of this rather mundane 10 minute slice of my life. There was nothing particularly interesting about this sliver of time actually as similar episodes had been played out many, many times before. Appointments, forgetting things and absorption in mental chatter are some of the fundamental things that make up our day to day existence, are they not? Everyone can recall similar episodes in their own lives I’m sure. Seemingly routine moments such as these, when strung together over hours, days, months and years, form the fabric of our worldly existence. “Life”, someone once said, “is a just a series of unfinished projects.”
What many of us fail to notice, I believe, is how the vast majority of these moments rapidly vanish from our memory banks the moment we move on to the next appointment, task, hobby, distraction, etc. Unless of course the item forgotten was something like a wedding ring and you realized you had forgotten it while you were standing at the altar. Moments such as these, because they are accompanied by such strong emotions, tend to become permanently etched into our brains. But you get the point. The overwhelming majority of our life is apparently not very memorable.
What made this simple reflection interesting, however, was that I was somehow able to witness the events from a slightly different perspective. This wasn’t simply my run-of-the-mill, ego based remembering. For just a fleeting moment, out of the corner of my mind, I was able to reflect (or perhaps intuit) upon how every aspect of what transpired- the actions I took, the thoughts I had, my efforts to “fix” the situation and finally the acceptance that arose- was simply a conditioned thought form arising spontaneously within my mental existence. None of it was “personal”. It all seemed instead more like the programmed actions of a robot.
I know this sounds odd so maybe this will help…
Though I was reflecting upon events that had actually happened, I recalled them with the same detached familiarity associated with déjà vu. The sense was that these events had already happened (which they had) only that they happened to somebody else (and that somebody else was me, my ego structure.)
I was able to witness myself looking for the forgotten item, deciding to go into the appointment without it and then forgiving myself for forgetting it from an objective vantage point that I have rarely experienced before. And I intuited that this perspective was actually more real than my normal, everyday cognitively-based subjective point of view.
The insight was that while there was forgetting there was no personal “I” to do the forgetting. There was searching but no “searcher”, doing but no “doer.” There was feeling bad followed by acceptance though no solid “I” to do either. Just “feelings without a feeler” to paraphrase Mark Epstein.
As the mystics have said time and time again, over thousands of years- the “I” sense is an illusion.
Despite how real “I” seems, how second nature and self-evident “I” feels, despite the fact that my ego identity repeats to itself over and over, on a mental level so fundamental that it escapes analysis “I know who I am. I’m Christian”, despite all of this- all appearances, all beliefs and all “evidence to the contrary”, this “I” sense- my “I” sense- is ironically just another thought form, one that is definitely occurring, though not to anyone in particular. The “I” sense is merely a sophisticated thought form that, like all thought forms, simply arises within awareness. And the kicker is that this isn’t even “my” awareness but rather is THE Awareness, the only awareness that is.
The nobel winning physicist Erwin Schrödinger describes this Awareness as such:
“Knowledge, feeling and choice [which you call your own] are essentially eternal, unchangeable and numerically one in all men, nay in all sensitive beings...There is only one thing and that what seems to be a plurality is merely a series of different aspects of this one thing… Multiplicity is only apparent, in truth there is only one mind. Consciousness is a singular of which the plural is unknown.”
I am left with the sense that if this objective vantage point I am describing lies even vaguely in the direction of That to which the mystics point, then I am quite certain that awakening is going to be so astonishing, so shocking and of such a severity that should it arrive in the particular aspect of consciousness which I consider “me”, it is sure to find the resident thinking apparatus completely and utterly unprepared.
Gassho
While watching the movie, my mind wandered and I found myself mulling over a brief, rather mundane period of time from earlier in the day.
I recalled how I arrived at an appointment only to realize that I had forgotten to bring something which initially seemed terribly important (though this turned out not to be the case.) I then saw myself searching my truck frantically for the forgotten item before settling into 5 or so minutes of punitive self talk over having forgotten it. Lastly, I recalled how I snapped out of the funk by realizing that I hadn’t intended to forget. I was able to give myself a break and head into the appointment without it.
Basically, what happened was that I noticed that my attention shifted from the movie to the remembrance of this rather mundane 10 minute slice of my life. There was nothing particularly interesting about this sliver of time actually as similar episodes had been played out many, many times before. Appointments, forgetting things and absorption in mental chatter are some of the fundamental things that make up our day to day existence, are they not? Everyone can recall similar episodes in their own lives I’m sure. Seemingly routine moments such as these, when strung together over hours, days, months and years, form the fabric of our worldly existence. “Life”, someone once said, “is a just a series of unfinished projects.”
What many of us fail to notice, I believe, is how the vast majority of these moments rapidly vanish from our memory banks the moment we move on to the next appointment, task, hobby, distraction, etc. Unless of course the item forgotten was something like a wedding ring and you realized you had forgotten it while you were standing at the altar. Moments such as these, because they are accompanied by such strong emotions, tend to become permanently etched into our brains. But you get the point. The overwhelming majority of our life is apparently not very memorable.
What made this simple reflection interesting, however, was that I was somehow able to witness the events from a slightly different perspective. This wasn’t simply my run-of-the-mill, ego based remembering. For just a fleeting moment, out of the corner of my mind, I was able to reflect (or perhaps intuit) upon how every aspect of what transpired- the actions I took, the thoughts I had, my efforts to “fix” the situation and finally the acceptance that arose- was simply a conditioned thought form arising spontaneously within my mental existence. None of it was “personal”. It all seemed instead more like the programmed actions of a robot.
I know this sounds odd so maybe this will help…
Though I was reflecting upon events that had actually happened, I recalled them with the same detached familiarity associated with déjà vu. The sense was that these events had already happened (which they had) only that they happened to somebody else (and that somebody else was me, my ego structure.)
I was able to witness myself looking for the forgotten item, deciding to go into the appointment without it and then forgiving myself for forgetting it from an objective vantage point that I have rarely experienced before. And I intuited that this perspective was actually more real than my normal, everyday cognitively-based subjective point of view.
The insight was that while there was forgetting there was no personal “I” to do the forgetting. There was searching but no “searcher”, doing but no “doer.” There was feeling bad followed by acceptance though no solid “I” to do either. Just “feelings without a feeler” to paraphrase Mark Epstein.
As the mystics have said time and time again, over thousands of years- the “I” sense is an illusion.
Despite how real “I” seems, how second nature and self-evident “I” feels, despite the fact that my ego identity repeats to itself over and over, on a mental level so fundamental that it escapes analysis “I know who I am. I’m Christian”, despite all of this- all appearances, all beliefs and all “evidence to the contrary”, this “I” sense- my “I” sense- is ironically just another thought form, one that is definitely occurring, though not to anyone in particular. The “I” sense is merely a sophisticated thought form that, like all thought forms, simply arises within awareness. And the kicker is that this isn’t even “my” awareness but rather is THE Awareness, the only awareness that is.
The nobel winning physicist Erwin Schrödinger describes this Awareness as such:
“Knowledge, feeling and choice [which you call your own] are essentially eternal, unchangeable and numerically one in all men, nay in all sensitive beings...There is only one thing and that what seems to be a plurality is merely a series of different aspects of this one thing… Multiplicity is only apparent, in truth there is only one mind. Consciousness is a singular of which the plural is unknown.”
I am left with the sense that if this objective vantage point I am describing lies even vaguely in the direction of That to which the mystics point, then I am quite certain that awakening is going to be so astonishing, so shocking and of such a severity that should it arrive in the particular aspect of consciousness which I consider “me”, it is sure to find the resident thinking apparatus completely and utterly unprepared.
Gassho
Friday, February 18, 2011
It is Never Hidden
This isn't MY life.
It's just Life- the starkly conspicuous immensity that goes unnoticed precisely because of its all encompassing obviousness.
If our attention were not laminated so completely onto thought forms this may be readily apparent.
It's just Life- the starkly conspicuous immensity that goes unnoticed precisely because of its all encompassing obviousness.
If our attention were not laminated so completely onto thought forms this may be readily apparent.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
The Abundance Paradox
Spiritual and New Age thought has been preoccupied for years with abundance, Abraham-Hicks being the most most popular current iteration.
In a nutshell, the idea generally put forth is that we humans are powerful "co-creators" of our experience and that through a combination of positive thinking, intent, gratitude and belief, we can manifest into our experience essentially whatever we wish.
I am not here to dispute this. Thoughts and beliefs do seem to have a profound influence upon my recognition of, and access to, the abundance of this Universe. And the Universe does seem to respond to our intent. When we want something bad enough, when it is truly, truly, truly the desire of our hearts (and not just some transient whim of our brain) the Universe does appear to respond. At least it has in my case.
When it comes to "abundance", however, I believe that it can be helpful to remain mindful of a few things.
First, abundance is the inherent nature of the Universe and, as such, is independent of my thoughts regarding it. As I mentioned, my thoughts, beliefs, etc definitely influence my recognition of this abundance. But I think we need to be careful about who we believe functions as the "co" in this "co-creation" process.
My experience provides me with no evidence that "I" (the ego identity which goes by the name "Christian") has created a damn thing. In fact, the opposite appears true. "Christian" is rather a creation himself, an outgrowth of this abundance.
Second, my failure to recognize, experience, appreciate or enjoy an abundant life is no indication of a lack of abundance. Abundance is not some ephemeral trait of the Universe. It is inherent. Look around. Can anyone honestly ever say that they are without abundance? Egos may feel as if they move in out and of abundance but this is just the limited perspective that defines a life lived via the identification with an ego.
So I will continue to watch my thoughts and do what I can to let go of those that reinforce scarcity. And I will continue to set powerful intentions which I will consecrate through belief and gratitude. But I will also always remain mindful of the fact that "Christian", this perfect blend of divinity and grandiosity, of eternity and transience, has an ancillary role at best in this grand, unfathomable show we call Life, a role more similar to an awed spectator than to a commanding orchestra leader.
Gassho
In a nutshell, the idea generally put forth is that we humans are powerful "co-creators" of our experience and that through a combination of positive thinking, intent, gratitude and belief, we can manifest into our experience essentially whatever we wish.
I am not here to dispute this. Thoughts and beliefs do seem to have a profound influence upon my recognition of, and access to, the abundance of this Universe. And the Universe does seem to respond to our intent. When we want something bad enough, when it is truly, truly, truly the desire of our hearts (and not just some transient whim of our brain) the Universe does appear to respond. At least it has in my case.
When it comes to "abundance", however, I believe that it can be helpful to remain mindful of a few things.
First, abundance is the inherent nature of the Universe and, as such, is independent of my thoughts regarding it. As I mentioned, my thoughts, beliefs, etc definitely influence my recognition of this abundance. But I think we need to be careful about who we believe functions as the "co" in this "co-creation" process.
My experience provides me with no evidence that "I" (the ego identity which goes by the name "Christian") has created a damn thing. In fact, the opposite appears true. "Christian" is rather a creation himself, an outgrowth of this abundance.
Second, my failure to recognize, experience, appreciate or enjoy an abundant life is no indication of a lack of abundance. Abundance is not some ephemeral trait of the Universe. It is inherent. Look around. Can anyone honestly ever say that they are without abundance? Egos may feel as if they move in out and of abundance but this is just the limited perspective that defines a life lived via the identification with an ego.
So I will continue to watch my thoughts and do what I can to let go of those that reinforce scarcity. And I will continue to set powerful intentions which I will consecrate through belief and gratitude. But I will also always remain mindful of the fact that "Christian", this perfect blend of divinity and grandiosity, of eternity and transience, has an ancillary role at best in this grand, unfathomable show we call Life, a role more similar to an awed spectator than to a commanding orchestra leader.
Gassho
Friday, January 28, 2011
"Under the Sun"
I wrote this during my first year of med school and shared it at a informal talent show of sorts. That was about 6 and half years ago now. Time does fly doesn't it?
(BTW- the MSB is the Medical Sciences Building at the University of Cincinnati)
34 years young and I awake to find
Myself in medical school
An odd place in some ways so I must ask myself
How did I end up on this stool?
My story is long, I’m sure yours is too
So I’ll be brief for the sake of time
And give you the Reader’s Digest version of my journey
In the next verse of this rhyme
I saw my sister give birth and a lightbulb went on
And I thought about medicine as a career
I went back to school, took the MCAT
Applied and presto- I’m here
I study a lot, like everyone else
Sometimes 'til late at night
And I’m still not sure I know the greater splanchnic nerve
From a metamyelocyte
And while the science is fine, it’s not what I’m here to learn
Rather I trust that I’ll gradually see
That every person I meet and patient I’ll treat
Is really a reflection of me
Everyone is someone’s mother or father
Their uncle, their sister, their wife
And I want to learn to recognize all of my relations
In each and every life
Cause if you trace it back far enough
We all are made of stars
Not just the ones we call by name
But the men and women behind bars
The ones were taught to call our enemy
The ones we pass without a glance
I cannot waste one more day
I need to wake up from this trance
And smash this optical delusion
Called the terror of the separate self
That has me turn my back upon my brother
Like bookends on a shelf
Because there’s truly nothing to be afraid of-
We’re all perfect, whole and complete
But in this weary mortal coil
Many know nothing but defeat
As docs we may ask about a blackened eye
Only to have a woman reply “Oh, I tripped…”
And then we’ll be faced with a type of dis-ease
We can’t cure by writing a script
Cause when it’s the spirit that’s been infarcted
Or a soul that has been bruised
It’s not a liter of normal saline
But love that must be infused
And I may end up working on cancer
Or feeling for swollen glands
But whatever specialty I choose
I want to be proficient at holding hands
It’s been taught by Jesus, Gandhii and Buddha,
By Mohammed and Dr. King
They were all from different lands and times
But in agreement on one thing
That love- it is our birthright
And our inheritance is joy
I wish that I could alchemize self love from self hate
In every girl and boy
But I cannot give what I do not have
So I pledge to heal my own heart first
For it is only when I know that my cup truly runneth over
That I can quench another’s thirst
So I will begin by drawing one conscious breath today
And seeing how you’re just like me
Then I can add one more atom towards the critical mass
Of setting all souls free
I may not be awake every second of every day
But I can say this with certainty
Know that I love each and every one of you in my heart of hearts (even though I may not always show it)
when we pass in the MSB.
(BTW- the MSB is the Medical Sciences Building at the University of Cincinnati)
34 years young and I awake to find
Myself in medical school
An odd place in some ways so I must ask myself
How did I end up on this stool?
My story is long, I’m sure yours is too
So I’ll be brief for the sake of time
And give you the Reader’s Digest version of my journey
In the next verse of this rhyme
I saw my sister give birth and a lightbulb went on
And I thought about medicine as a career
I went back to school, took the MCAT
Applied and presto- I’m here
I study a lot, like everyone else
Sometimes 'til late at night
And I’m still not sure I know the greater splanchnic nerve
From a metamyelocyte
And while the science is fine, it’s not what I’m here to learn
Rather I trust that I’ll gradually see
That every person I meet and patient I’ll treat
Is really a reflection of me
Everyone is someone’s mother or father
Their uncle, their sister, their wife
And I want to learn to recognize all of my relations
In each and every life
Cause if you trace it back far enough
We all are made of stars
Not just the ones we call by name
But the men and women behind bars
The ones were taught to call our enemy
The ones we pass without a glance
I cannot waste one more day
I need to wake up from this trance
And smash this optical delusion
Called the terror of the separate self
That has me turn my back upon my brother
Like bookends on a shelf
Because there’s truly nothing to be afraid of-
We’re all perfect, whole and complete
But in this weary mortal coil
Many know nothing but defeat
As docs we may ask about a blackened eye
Only to have a woman reply “Oh, I tripped…”
And then we’ll be faced with a type of dis-ease
We can’t cure by writing a script
Cause when it’s the spirit that’s been infarcted
Or a soul that has been bruised
It’s not a liter of normal saline
But love that must be infused
And I may end up working on cancer
Or feeling for swollen glands
But whatever specialty I choose
I want to be proficient at holding hands
It’s been taught by Jesus, Gandhii and Buddha,
By Mohammed and Dr. King
They were all from different lands and times
But in agreement on one thing
That love- it is our birthright
And our inheritance is joy
I wish that I could alchemize self love from self hate
In every girl and boy
But I cannot give what I do not have
So I pledge to heal my own heart first
For it is only when I know that my cup truly runneth over
That I can quench another’s thirst
So I will begin by drawing one conscious breath today
And seeing how you’re just like me
Then I can add one more atom towards the critical mass
Of setting all souls free
I may not be awake every second of every day
But I can say this with certainty
Know that I love each and every one of you in my heart of hearts (even though I may not always show it)
when we pass in the MSB.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Peace
"If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
People still piss me off. Happens all the time. But when you think about it, the disagreeable traits that we all demonstrate at one time or another really arise from our suffering. Who among us hasn't been disappointed, hasn't had their heart broken, hasn't struggled with self criticism or lost someone close to them?
So the self righteous attending physician, the office big mouth, the lover who cheated on us or left, the sibling rival, the asshole who cuts us off in traffic- they're all suffering. Just like us.
Being a precious human being is difficult. We all just want to be happy.
In the moment, it can be hard to be generous. At least it is for me. If someone pushes me, my first instinct is usually to push back- twice as hard.
So what can we do?
Just be willing I guess. Be willing to allow peace to arise spontaneously within our own hearts. And be gentle with ourselves when it doesn't.
Gassho
People still piss me off. Happens all the time. But when you think about it, the disagreeable traits that we all demonstrate at one time or another really arise from our suffering. Who among us hasn't been disappointed, hasn't had their heart broken, hasn't struggled with self criticism or lost someone close to them?
So the self righteous attending physician, the office big mouth, the lover who cheated on us or left, the sibling rival, the asshole who cuts us off in traffic- they're all suffering. Just like us.
Being a precious human being is difficult. We all just want to be happy.
In the moment, it can be hard to be generous. At least it is for me. If someone pushes me, my first instinct is usually to push back- twice as hard.
So what can we do?
Just be willing I guess. Be willing to allow peace to arise spontaneously within our own hearts. And be gentle with ourselves when it doesn't.
Gassho
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